Doug was standing outside in the snow, thinking of the day's events. He doesn't even notice the cold. His mind is wandering back through the last years of his life which he spent at County. He sighs to himself before he hears Carol saying his name behind him. He doesn't turn around.
"Storm's finally here!" Doug says, knowing he's not talking only about the snow. He turns towards Carol.
"Romano closed my clinic." Carol says. He shakes his head incredulously.
"Why?" He asks.
"Because I helped you get the PCA." Carol says.
"Well Ricky was dying." Doug protests.
"I was there. I know he was dying. I didn't know you were going to help his mother and use a piece of my equipment to administer a lethal dose of Dyloden."
"I didn't want to get you involved." Doug says. Carol shakes her head in wonder.
"Aw but Doug I was involved. We're you planning on telling me...any of this..ever?" Carol asks.
"I dunno, I hadn't decided." Doug says quietly.
"What about you promising Mark? Never to prescribe narcotics. I mean have you decided on sharing that information with me?" Carol asks angrily.
"I did what I thought was right." Doug says.
"Damn the consequences or whoever else gets hurt, right?" Carol asks.
"I was willing to live with the consequences." Doug says.
"Mark and Kerry are facing disciplinary actions. My clinic has been closed which means hundreds of patients have no place else to go. The police are questioning the entire ER staff. Your actions carry consequenses Doug. It isn't about you...Do you even give a damn?" Carol pauses as she waits for him. He hangs his head. "Ugh." She says in disgust, turning to leave.
"Hey, hey don't do that, don't walk away.." Doug says calling after her.
"Why not? You don't need anybody else. You are a country unto yourself. You know, you just make decisions, ruin peoples lives, narcissism elevated to a high art." Carol says turning around again.
"Carol, Carol.." Doug calls out again. She turns around.
"What?" She spits out.
"I'm sorry." He says. She sighs and turns around going inside.
"That's what you always say Doug." Carol says and she's gone. He sighs and walks a few feet away from the door, as his whole world falls away from him. He lifts his hands up in the air, frustrated.
o--------o--------o
Doug stares back at Jeanie as she is getting taken care of by his co-workers. He lets Carol lead him into an exam room.
"Your gonna need sutures." Carol says as she works on his face. He doesn't say anything for a second before he speaks.
"Sorry...for everything. I'm gonna go to Anspaugh. Throw myself on my sword, see if he'll open the clinic again."
"Anspaugh's gonna keep the clinic open." Carol says after a short pause.
"He change his mind?" Doug asks surprised.
"I threw myself on my sword. Lynette Evans is going to take over the clinic. I'm back to my blue color roots punching the clock in the ER." Carol says smiling softly. He pauses as he stumbles to think of something.
"I don't know what to say." Doug says.
"There isn't anything to say, it's done. Just have to accept it and move on." Carol says. He looks at her and pauses.
"I'm gonna resign." He says softly. She looks up quickly. "Take responsibility for everything that happened. I'm destroying my relationship with you. I probably lost my best friend. Certainly damaged both of your careers." He says slowly then pauses. "I hate Weaver. I hate Romano. It's time to go." Doug says a little stronger.
"Where?" She asks quickly.
"I liked Seattle when I was in med school. I didn't see much of it but I liked it." He said quickly.
"Seattle?" She asks sharply. Her heart falls to her feet as she realizes her whole world is tumbling down around her.
"The pacific north west. Take that job offer in Portland. It's pretty up there, it's clear, you'd like it. Come with me." Doug says softly. Malik bursts through the doors.
"Carol, we got another rig coming in." Malik says.
"I'll be right there." Carol answers loudly. She turns her back towards Doug. He looks at her with a sad smile on his face.
"I love you." He says quietly. She slowly turns around.
"I grew up here. My family's here, my friends. My job." She stresses 'job'.
"You just got demoted." Doug answers.
"Yeah, well you had something to do with that didn't you?" Carol asks sharply. He doesn't say anything just pulls the chair she is sitting on, closer to him.
"Come with me." Doug says quietly. She pauses.
"I gotta get back to work, I'll talk about it later." Carol says and gets up, leaving.
o--------o--------o
Mark and Carol are walking down the hallway talking about Mobalage's wife. Then suddenly Carol switches subjects.
"Doug says he's gonna quit." Carol says.
"Yeah?" Mark asks, coming back to stand in front of her.
"I think he's serious." Carol says.
"Maybe he should." Mark says softly. Carol looks up.
"You want him to go?" Carol asks.
"I'm done Carol. I love him like a brother but I can't do this anymore. It's too hard." Mark says.
"He said he's going to move to Seattle or Portland. Wants me to go with him." Carol says. Mark pauses.
"Are you going to?" He asks. She starts crying.
"I don't remember a time I didn't love him." She says sighing loudly.
"I'll miss you. Maybe more than I'll miss him." Mark says. She smiles slightly. He leans over and kisses her forehead. "I gotta go." He says and walks off.
o--------o--------o
Carol walks into Jeanie's room and spots Doug. They talk a little bit as he stands up, taking her hand in his and pulling her into the hallway.
"So I spoke to Anspaugh. Told him I was quitting." Doug says.
"What did he say?" Carol asks.
"He was polite enough not to burst into song but.." Doug smiles. "He didn't try to talk me out of it."
"Did you expect him to?" Carol ask quickly.
"No." Doug says softly. "Julian in genetics stood up for me with the cops."
"And?" Carol asks.
"Their not going to prosecute." Doug says.
"That's great." Carol says.
"Yeah." Pause. "Long night, huh?" Doug asks. She nods.
"Yup." She says. He pauses and watches her.
"Your not coming with me are you?" Doug asks.
"Are you really leaving?" Carol asks her voice rising slightly.
"There's nothing for me here." Doug says.
"I'm here." Carol says loudly on the verge of crying.
"I mean work....I can't stay here." Doug says.
"Not even for me?" Carol asks. He stops.
"Come with me." He says.
"I want you to stay here." Carol argues.
"I can't." Doug says.
"I don't..understand..that." Carol says slowly.
"I have to go..Carol..I can't stay here." He says and then turns to leave.
"Doug." Carol says loudly. He turns as he scratches his chin. She starts crying. "I don't want to wake up alone tomorrow." Carol says crying harder. He comes to her and touches her shoulder and kisses her. She continues crying as she kisses him back.
"I love you." Doug whispers. She sobs. He kisses her one more time and then walks away as
she continues crying, alone in the hallway.
o--------o--------o
As Carol is getting onto the El she remembers again that she hasn't seen Doug since he left her in the hallway and that was 3 hours ago. Chuny said he had left about 3 hours ago. She sighs and starts to panic thinking he left without saying goodbye. She sighs and puts her hand over her mouth as she tries to calm herself down. She bites her finger nervously. When the El comes to a stop she pushes her way through the crowds, getting a few stares from some bystanders. She doesn't even see them as she rushes down the steps off the El. She runs the short length to her house and when she sees that it's completely dark her heart drops. She races up the stairs and fumbles with the keys. She goes into the house and flips on the light. She doesn't see his coat or shoes. She runs to their bedroom and flings open the closet. She sees all of his clothes and she lets out a big long sigh of relief. She walks slowly and unsteadily out to the couch and falls down onto it. She buries herself into a pillow and lets out a sob. She just lays on the couch crying until she cannot cry anymore. She cannot believe she is about to lose the love of her life. She starts getting sick. She rushes to the bathroom and throws up, barely making the toilet. She continues leaning over the toilet and throws up one more time, but it's mostly just gagging. All of a sudden she feels a pair of hands on her back and she catches a quick glance at Doug as she continues dry wretching. He holds her back and has her hair pulled up with his hand. She finally quits the gagging and she turns to him. He finally sees her face clearly and he can see the redness of her eyes from crying and her wet face and her rosy cheeks.
"Water?" She croaks. He stands up quickly and fills a cup with water and hands it to her. She takes sip and swallows it carefully as he bends down in front of her.
"Are you okay Carol?" Doug asks. She nods.
"I'm great!" Carol says sarcastically. He doesn't say anything just looks down at the floor tiles. She immediately regrets it. She doesn't want to be mean to him if it's going to be the last night she gets to be with him. He slowly helps her stand and she leans on him. He leads her slowly into the bedroom and she lays down on top of the covers with all her regular clothes still on.
"Do you need anything?" He asks cautiously. She nods. "What do you need?" Doug asks. She reaches up to him.
"I need you Doug." Carol says. He gives her a painful look as she holds onto him, pulling herself into sitting position. She rests her chin on his shoulder then wrapping her arms around him, leaning into him for support. He slowly wraps his arms around her waist.
"Carol...I'm sorry. If I could take it all back, I would." Doug says. She just listens but he says no more.
"When do you leave?" Carol asks painfully.
"My flight leaves at 12 midnight." Doug says.
"Tonight?" Carol asks quickly. He nods. She turns her head to the clock and sees that it is nine in the morning. She sighs and tries not to cry. She turns back around to face him. She leans her face up and kisses him gently. Then more urgently. As they fall into the familiarity of making love.
o--------o--------o
He rolls over on the bed and lays on his side and looks at her. One tear slips down his cheek and her heart breaks. She has never seen him cry. She kisses the tear and wraps her arms around his waist and he reciprocates. She snuggles her head against his chest as they lay together in the silence.
He puts the last item into his suitcase and zips it up. When he looks up she has her hands over her eyes and her body is shaking. He closes his eyes painfully and steps over to her on the bed. He wraps his arms around her and she leans into him as he holds her while she cries. He closes his eyes and tries to print the memory of her in his arms, into his mind. She finally pulls away from him.
"We should go." Carol says. He nods. She bites her lower lip softly then stands up. She walks out of the room and gets her coat and purse. He rubs his hand across his eyes and then picks up his suitcase and carry on bag. She is waiting for him by the door. She takes his carry on bag from him and he puts the suitcase on the floor as he gets his coat on. Then he picks up his suitcase and she gets his carry on bag and they go out the door. They put the stuff into the back of his jeep and get into the front. When he starts the car he sees her hesitate but then she slides over on the seat to sit close to him. She leans her body against his and puts her head on his shoulder. He shifts himself comfortably into her. She lets out a half sigh half sob but is silent the rest of the way.
"Final boarding to Flight 124 to Seattle. Last call for flight 124." Someone says over the intercom. He stands in front of her and brings his hands up to her face.
"I love you Carol." He whispers and brings his lips to hers, holding them there and not moving. He finally pulls away.
"Doug..I love you too." Carol says softly and starts to cry. He kisses her softly one more time then turns around and picks up his carry on bag. He starts walking to the final boarding and she lets out a strangled sob. She lifts her hands to her mouth. He turns around and sees her with her hands up to her mouth. He hands the ticket to the woman.
"Have a good flight." She says cheerily. He turns and looks at Carol again and walks into the portable hall watching her.
She watches him until he is gone and frantically wipes the tears off her face after he is out of view. She slowly turns around and starts walking blindly to the exit. She doesn't hear the commotion behind her because she is too caught up in her own little world of him.
"Carol!" She hears her name. She stops and dares herself to turn around. She slowly turns around as Doug gathers her into his arms and hugs her, lifting her completely off the ground.
"Doug?" She asks confused as she buries her face into his neck, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I can't leave you Carol." Doug says. He chuckles lightly as he holds her tightly to him.
"Oh god, Doug. I love you. I love you so much." Carol says. Doug smiles, kissing her cheek quickly.
"I love you too, Carol." He whispers in her ear.
o--------o--------o