June 6th-June 20th, 01.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o
For the past thirty minutes, Julianna hadn't done much thinking. But now as George collapsed naked on top of her, she was suddenly slammed back into reality. What in the hell had they just done? She wondered. Had the most amazing sex ever, she answered herself. Dammit, she shouldn't have let this happen. She was just setting them both up to be hurt. She sighed.
George heard and felt the sigh coming from her. Oh hell, he thought and rolled off of her. He managed a small glance at her and saw that she had her eyes shut, but he could almost hear the thoughts rolling through her head.
"I'm sorry, Jules. I guess things got out of hand.." He muttered and thought of Ron. Would she tell him? George had never seen Ron angry before and he wasn't quite so sure he wanted to see Ron angry at him.
"I'm sorry too." Julianna said. George turned to her a bit.
"Why? You didn't do anything." He said. She smiled slightly.
"Maybe I should have. But maybe I didn't want to." She said and met his eyes with her own. He sighed and resisted the urge to touch her.
"Will you tell Ron?" He asked, wondering if he would need to hide out in Mexico or something. Her eyes widened before she closed them and let out a muffled groan.
"Oh, damn." She muttered. He waited, watching her.
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." He said. She sighed and shook her head.
"No. I won't tell him." She said and opened her eyes, meeting his once more.
"Right." George said. In a way, that was good. Ron wouldn't kick his ass. But if she didn't tell Ron, then what did that mean coming from her? Was she through with him now? He rolled over, as if to get out of the bed, but her arm shot out, grabbing his upper arm.
"George.." She murmured but trailed off.
"Hm?" He murmured in reply, his bare back still facing her. She didn't really know what to say. She didn't want to say anything that would scare him away from her, but she didn't want him to get out of the bed and leave. She really didn't want that.
"I'm not sorry that it happened." She said. "I've wanted it to, for awhile, I think." She said. He turned slightly.
"You did?" He asked. She paused, still not sure how to tell him her feelings without pushing him away. She nodded slightly and took a deep breath.
"I won't tell Ron, if you don't tell Ron. But does it...Does this have to be over?" She waited a moment, her heart pounding in her chest. He turned to her.
"What do you mean?" He asked, his body tensed.
"Is this it? I mean...Are we done now? Are we going to continue on, pretending this never happened and try to stay friendly with each other?"
"Are we?" He asked. She looked at him, her face blank, but at the same time swirling with emotions. He rolled onto his back and looked at her. "I need to know what you're asking of me." He said. She closed her eyes briefly.
"I'm asking if we can be lovers," She paused, "without the strings attached. It can be a secret. We don't have to tell people about it. Including Ron." She said.
"But you'll stay with him?" George asked. She paused before nodding very slowly.
"Yes." She whispered, looking up at him. This could be just what he wanted, George thought. Sex with Jules, without strings attached. The illusion that everything is perfect to the public, nothing is going on because she's still with Ron.
"Okay. I think we can try.." George trailed off, looking at her.
"We're actors, we can do it." She said, trying to convince him even more. He nodded and reached out, tucking a curl behind her ear. They lay silently for a moment. "George?" She murmured.
"Hmm?" He asked.
"Can I ask you one favor? No strings attached.." She trailed off.
"Okay." He swallowed.
"Will you hold me? Like friends do?" She asked. He smiled and gathered her into his arms. She buried her face into his neck and took a deep breath, breathing him in. He bent his head and began to kiss the corner of her mouth, until she turned her head towards his and kissed him fully. His body slid over hers again and he sighed happily as he heard her small moan of pleasure.
o~~~~~~o
Julianna glanced quickly around her bedroom once again. Ron was coming home from New York that afternoon and Julianna was nearly having an anxiety attack. She had washed all the blankets and sheets on the bed. She had sprayed the room with perfume to ward away any of George's cologne. She had turned on two fans to stir up the air. She had vacuumed. She had made sure about one thousand times that George hadn't left anything. She was in short, scared to death that Ron would suspect something.
She made herself leave the room and went downstairs, nervously awaiting his arrival.
o~~~~~~o
Ron led Julianna into their bedroom by the hand. She swallowed nervously, praying to God she hadn't missed anything. Ron turned to her and began kissing her again. She melted into him, just like she would have if nothing had happened between her and George.
She let Ron take her down onto the bed and undress her. But she knew from now on, sex with him would never be the same for her.
o~~~~~~o
The phone rang in George's house. He reached over and retrieved the phone off the coffee table in front of him and clicked it on.
"Hello?" He asked.
"George."
"Oh, hey Jules." George smiled slightly. She swallowed nervously.
"So, uh, what's up?" She asked. He smiled and settled comfortably into the couch.
"Nothing. Just catchin' a game on the television." George said.
"Oh," She paused, "who's playing?"
"The Lakers and the Bulls." He said.
"Ah, right. Um..I was calling because....Well, I was wondering..." She trailed off. He chuckled softly.
"Spit it out, Jules." He said, knowing very well what she was trying to ask.
"What I meant to say was that Ron's out visiting his mother for the night. I told him that I needed to run to Rachel's house but that I'd be home after awhile. He said he wouldn't be home until about midnight or something...And, it's only like six now...So, I was wondering if you wanted to...Umm...Get together, or something.." She trailed off, afraid of rejection despite the agreement they had made. He bit back another chuckle, not wanting to embarrass her.
"Sure, Jules. That sounds great. Your house or mine?" He asked. She paused.
"Uh, yours would be good." She said. He noticed the underlying nervousness in her voice. He knew she was worried about Ron finding out about them.
"That's good. When will you be over?" George asked.
"In a few minutes, if that's okay?" Julianna said quietly.
"Sure, Jules. I'll be waiting." He said.
"Okay. I'll see you soon, George." She murmured. He smiled.
"You too." He said and hung up the phone. It was interesting to see her so nervous around him.
o~~~~~~o
When George heard the quiet knock on the door, he moved towards it, peeking through the peep hole just in case it wasn't Julianna. He saw her, nibbling nervously on her lip. He smiled and opened the door.
"Hey Jules." George said. She looked at him shyly.
"Hi George." She replied. He chuckled softly and opened the door wider, letting her pass him and enter into the house.
"Thanks for uh, thanks for letting me come." Julianna said, taking her sunglasses off and holding them in her hand. George reached out and took the sunglasses from her, placing them on a small table by the door. Then he turned back to her, looking into her hazel eyes. She stared back up at him, desire churning in her belly. They stepped toward each other at the exact same time and embraced passionately.
Lips locked and arms tangled, they managed to somehow make it to the stairs and up them, stumbling to George's room.
o~~~~~~o
Julianna snuck quietly into the house at ten o'clock. All the lights were off and Ron's car was not parked in the garage, but she was nervous nonetheless. She slipped out of her shoes and threw her keys onto the table and remembered suddenly that she forgot her sunglasses at George's. I'll have to get them next time, she thought to herself and grinned slightly. She crept upstairs without turning on any of the lights and slipped into her room. She treaded across the familiar carpet and flicked the lamp beside her bed on.
She undressed in the soft light and headed towards her bathroom. She took a quick shower and headed back into the bedroom. She dressed in a big t-shirt and slipped under the covers. She reached out and turned off the light and snuggled with the blankets. Even though she had left George's house nearly 35 minutes before, she was still relaxed from the sex. She smiled in the darkness and imagined George's arms around her.
Jesus, she was getting in too deep, she thought and rolled over onto her back. She was falling for George and she knew it was dangerous. But once she had him in her arms, she craved more, couldn't get enough of him. And that had been what made her call him that afternoon.
She lay awake, thinking of George for nearly two hours until Ron came home. She turned over on her other side when she heard the door downstairs close. She shut her eyes and made her breathing even, acting as though she was asleep. The last thing she wanted was to have to talk, or more, with Ron. Lucky for her, he slipped into bed minutes later and stayed on his side of the bed, not wanting to wake her. She let out an inaudible sigh of relief and fell asleep minutes later.
o~~~~~~o
George lay in the darkness, hours after Julianna had left him. Dammit, he wanted her to be by his side as he slept. And damn him, she was the first person that he had ever wanted to stay with him overnight since......Well, since a long time ago.
He shouldn't want her like that. In the end all that would happen would be that both of them would be hurt. And he didn't want to hurt her, he cared to deeply for her. She was his best friend, the closest person to him. She knew nearly everything about him, everything except his one small secret. No one knew that.
But that was besides the point. He wanted Julianna, craved her. Having her in his arms was...something. He didn't even know how to describe it. But he hated himself for wanting her like that, for setting them both up for hurt. If only he could tell her some way that he couldn't be with her like this any more. But he couldn't, not yet. He hadn't had her long enough. Shit, he thought and rubbed a hand over his face. Life was shit for him right now.
He hated this.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o
Julianna sat, reclined in a chair in her living room. She was studying the design on the ceiling and thinking. She knew she shouldn't be thinking about what she was thinking about, but lately she couldn't get it, get him, out of her mind.
She was in love with George. She had finally admitted it to herself after weeks of having sex with him. No, no, she thought, it wasn't sex, it was making love, whether he would admit it or not. And sometimes, if they had a lot of time, George would let her stay awhile and they would talk, lying naked in bed together. Pillow talk, she thought with a small smile.
But damn him, damn her. She wanted more from him. She was ready to break up with Ron to have a real relationship with George. But she didn't figure he would go for that. Maybe she should just maybe subtly suggest something more...See what he said.
Yes, she would say something. He was coming over to her house now. Ron was out of town and she had asked him to come over. She would tell him what she wanted, firmly. She had to be firm, dammit. Julianna was cut off from her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door.
Julianna rolled out of the recliner and made her way to the door and opened it wide. George stood on the other side, smiling at her. Damn, she thought, he just had to look sexy, didn't he? He walked into the house, his hands in his pockets.
"What's going on?" He asked.
"Nothing." She said, pressing her lips together and closing the door behind them. They hadn't managed to get together for two whole weeks. And seeing him was making her heart pump and her throat go dry. God, he was gorgeous. She pressed a hand to her stomach when it fluttered. He smiled again and slipped his sunglasses off, tucking them into the pocket of his jeans.
"I haven't seen you for two whole weeks. What're you doing way over there?" He asked, a hint of teasing in his voice. She was afraid to get too close to him, because she didn't want these feelings to escalate, but the tone of his voice had her moving toward him, as if she was a puppet on invisible strings. He kept his hands in his pockets until she came so close to him that the fronts of their bodies were brushing lightly. He tilted his head lightly to the side, seeing that something had changed inside of her. She was no longer excited and eager. He could see the yearning in her eyes for him, but she was remaining distant. His smile faded slightly. Well, he could play that way too. He much preferred it that way.
He crushed his mouth down on hers with a hint of anger. She felt it shimmer out of him and she shivered but pressed closer, craving him already. Her hands moved out to cling the side of his shirt, her hands digging into his sides. He wrapped his arms tightly around hers and began to rub against her. She could taste the heat, the anger, the impatience. She knew it would be quick this time.
o~~~~~~o
Well, it was the first time they had done it on a couch, Julianna thought as she lay under George. He was still lying on top of her, his body heaving as he tried to return his breathing to normal. She closed her eyes and felt the weight of him on top of her, hoping that this time wouldn't be the last time. She had that same thought every time but this time she was extremely scared, considering what she had to talk to him about. She almost started to change her mind about talking to him, but she knew she had to and so she pushed the doubts and fears away and toughened up.
"George, we need to talk." She murmured and ran a hand over his back. He stiffened slightly at her words but deliberately made himself relax. He knew what was coming. He had seen it in her eyes. He sighed and hesitated, wishing that he would have been sweeter and slower this time because this could have been the last time. He wondered if it would be as he slid off of her and sat up on the couch. He reached down and pulled his boxers on as she shrugged into her t-shirt and underwear.
George leaned back on the couch and ran a hand through his shortly cropped hair. She sat back, but avoided contact with his body as she curled her legs up underneath her.
"George...I.." She stopped. He wanted to stop her, to tell her that he couldn't stand to hear what she was going to tell him, but he knew he couldn't do that. So he resisted the urge to close his eyes and he turned and looked at her. She took a deep breath. "I want more from us." She said. He nodded and looked away from her.
"I knew you would." He murmured. She bit her lip.
"I want to break up with Ron. I don't have to tell him what's going on, I just want to break up with him and see if we can have something.." Julianna trailed off.
"Jules, I'll end up hurting you in the end." George said and knew he would. He knew exactly how everything would play out. But he wasn't ready to lose her yet. "But maybe I'd like to give us a try, too." He said hesitantly. She turned and looked at him as if he had suddenly grown an extra head.
"You would?" She asked. He nodded slightly.
"You know what will probably happen." George said.
"Maybe not." She said. He sighed and leaned forward, rubbing a hand over his cheek.
"You know what will happen." He repeated and watched her nod slightly.
"How come you haven't had any other women in your life since we've started.....this...whatever it is?" She wondered out loud. He looked at her in surprise. "George, normally I hear somewhere that there are women you've dated. Went to bars with, etcetera. But every since our.....affair, I suppose you could call it, I've not heard anything. That must mean either you're really secretive, or you're not dating anyone. And I'm betting on the latter. If I'm right, that means I'm the only one you've been...seeing these past weeks. That has to mean something...." Julianna said. He sighed. He did not want to get into this.
"Maybe because I took this affair serious enough that I didn't want or need to see other women." He said.
"But I've had Ron here all this time." She nearly rolled her eyes. "Didn't that bother you?" She asked. He shrugged.
"Maybe some, only because I knew he was the person you called your boyfriend. But I wasn't really jealous because you came to me and so that had to mean that he wasn't enough for you, or what you wanted, or something. He wasn't everything. And maybe it bothered me some that you were sleeping with both of us, but I figured that if you were sleeping with me and him, that meant I was good for something that he wasn't." He said and turned to grin slightly at her. He watched in delight as the red began to creep onto her face. "So, you're going to break up with Ron and we're going to give this a go even though we both know that something bad will probably come out of it?" She sighed and turned to look at him.
"I just love your positive outlook, George." She said, half serious, half teasing. He chuckled and reached out, tucking a curl behind her ear.
"Am I allowed to tell you things now that I couldn't tell you before?" He asked. Her brows drew together in confusion.
"Such as?" He leaned towards her, smiling.
"That I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." She blushed this time and pushed a hand on his chest.
"You're just telling me that to get me to have sex with you again." She said.
"No, I don't have to tell you that to convince you to have sex with me, baby. I can use other ways for that." He chuckled as she blushed again. He leaned over her, his body covering hers as he pushed her back onto the couch and pressed his mouth to her own. He slid his hand under her shirt and covered her breast with it. She let out a small moan and his mouth trailed down, assaulting her neck.
Julianna thought she heard a noise apart from herself and George, but she ignored it, too focused on what his fingers were doing to her nipple. She turned her head, her eyes squeezed closed. She let out a small moan and reached down, trying to pull his head back up to hers, to meet his mouth with her own. Suddenly she froze. George stopped when he felt the tension suddenly slap into her body.
"Jules? What is it?" He asked and watched as she turned her head to her right, a horrified look on her face.
"Oh shit." She muttered. George immediately followed her gaze and said a whole hell of a lot more in his head. He scrambled up on the couch, moving off of Julianna. She sat upright and straightened her shirt, pulling it down.
Ron was standing in the entrance to the living room, staring at the two of them, his mouth open in shock. He stood and just looked at them for what seemed like hours but was really only moments. George cleared his throat and ran a hand over the back of his head uncomfortably.
"Ron..I'm sorry.." Julianna murmured and stood, trying to make her way to him. He stepped away from her.
"What the hell was..." He shook his head as if trying to clear the fog away. "What in the hell do you think you were doing?" Ron asked, his face turning red in anger, now that he could think straight.
"Ron, I...We were.."
"I know what you were doing.." He held up his hands in front of him. "I don't want the details. What I meant to say was why the hell were you doing that?" He asked. George stood.
"Look Ron, I never meant to.." He was cut off with a punch to the jaw.
"Ron!" Julianna exclaimed sharply and stepped in front of him so he couldn't pound George into the ground. Well, at least he knew what it felt like now, George thought, rubbing his jaw. Ron's eyes were swirling with anger. Julianna wanted to hide behind George. She had never seen this look in Ron's eyes before. It was sheer hatred. But Julianna knew she couldn't hide behind George.
"I want him the hell out of this house!" Ron said. George was ready to oblige, eager even.
"If he leaves, I leave!" Julianna said.
"We're through, Julianna. I could care less if you left or not, right now." He said, staring her down. She shrugged her shoulder a little and stood straighter.
"Fine, we'll leave then." She said.
"No, I'll go. You can move all of your stuff out of this house." He said. She sighed. The house was both of theirs and she knew she should let him have it, under the circumstances. No matter how much she loved the house.
"Fine." She replied, stronger than she felt. Ron stared at her, then George, before he turned and stalked out of the house. Julianna's shoulders slumped before she moved quickly to the window. She peeked out until she saw Ron's car leave the driveway.
"Jules, I'm really sorry." George said. But she hurried back to him and took his face gently into her hands.
"How's your jaw?" She asked, her voice soft. He studied her.
"It's fine. It's not broken. Just sore." He said.
"I'm surprised it's not broken."
"Yeah, me too. Are you okay?" He asked, lifting her chin with his fingers. She sighed and looked into his eyes.
"I'm going to miss this house." She said and smiled. He chuckled and pulled her into his arms.
"I'll help you move out. We've got all night and I'm sure probably tomorrow, too. You can stay with me for the night." He said. She nodded and buried her face into his neck.
"Well, so much for me having to break up with him." She said. George chuckled slightly and rocked her gently in his arms.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o
Weeks later, George and Julianna were making their first attempt at going public with their relationship. George wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, but Julianna had wanted it and he thought maybe he could do it for her sake. George knew if he let Julianna inform the press than she would think their relationship was more serious than it was. But he had told her she would probably get hurt in the end. So when it happened, she already had a fair warning, he thought and hated himself for it.
Julianna knew George wasn't sure about going public. But she wanted to move on with her life. She didn't want Ron to think she was upset because of him. Although, she was sure that was one of the last things on his mind. And maybe, just maybe, since she convinced George to go public, he would begin to realize she was serious and wanted more from him. What was she thinking? That was exactly the reason he wasn't sure about going public, because he didn't want to have a serious relationship with her.
It stung a bit to know their relationship was sex with a twist of friendly bonding in between. Since they had been best friends before lovers, George still trusted her with the outside things. It was the inside things that she wanted.
So she tucked her arm through his and smiled brilliantly for the camera, letting her happiness shine through for one night. She knew there would be talk, but she was prepared for it. She knew her family would want all the details and they would all call her. She was also prepared for that.
o~~~~~~o
It was one of the rare nights that George had stayed in bed with her. Julianna lay on her side, her body snuggled against his as she lay awake in the dark, watching him sleep. She was so in love with him that it hurt just to be near him and know he didn't feel the same way she did.
She grinned when George rolled a bit, coming to lay on top of her slightly. His head was resting on her shoulder, his nose buried in her hair. She nearly giggled when she felt his breath tickle her ear. She squirmed a bit under him, moving out of the way of his ticklish breath. Julianna buried her face into his chest and breathed deeply, gathering in the scent of soap, cologne, sweat from their bout of sex, and man. George's scent. She wished suddenly with all her might that she could stay right where she was for the rest of eternity.
o~~~~~~o
The next morning after Julianna had lay awake watching him sleep, George crawled out of bed, hoping not to wake her. It wasn't often he stayed the night with her, but last night he was so tired that he let her snuggle against him as he fell asleep.
Now, he bent down and picked his jeans up off the floor and slipped them on. He began to head out of the room to go downstairs and make coffee, but some unseen force stopped him. He turned around and leaned against the door frame and watched her sleep. George couldn't say how long he stood there, but when he finally snapped out of it, he turned and headed downstairs, shaking his head. He was getting in way too deep for comfort.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o
Dammit, she was getting tired of this. They had been going on like this for well over four months. Sex, sex, sex. She couldn't deny that the sex was great, but she was dying for more of him. All of him. He still talked to her, as he had before this new relationship started, and she knew he would consider her one of his best friends despite the sex, but she also knew he wasn't sharing his entire life with her. And she was about to see that that changed.
"George, we need to talk." Julianna said. George was standing beside the bed, changing into his clothes for work.
"About what?" He asked and bent to retrieve his shirt.
"Us." She said as he slid the shirt over his head. George sighed.
"Jules, we've been through this over and over." George said. She wrapped the sheet around her naked chest and looked at him, her eyes cool.
"Well this is going to be the last time." She said. He looked at her, his eyes flashing with a brief glimpse of panic that had pleasure spearing through her.
"What?" He asked, staring at her.
"I'm giving you one day. You have to decide what you want. If you want me, for real, seriously. Or if you don't want me at all." George's stomach dropped.
"I have you for real, seriously." George said.
"No, you don't. All we do is have sex and the occasional friendly conversation. I'm tired of waiting for you, George." Julianna said. George sighed and sat on the bed, pulling his tennis shoes on.
"Julianna, I told you at the beginning that I couldn't commit to you. I told you that in the end you would get hurt. I wasn't lying." George said. She sighed.
"Dammit, don't you think I know that?" She asked. "I know that I may get hurt. What I'm asking of you is are you going to hurt me, right now? If you want me, it's all or nothing." She said. He rubbed his hands over his face as he sighed gruffly.
"I've got a day?" He asked. Hope and despair both sparked in her heart.
"Yes." She said. He sighed.
"Alright. 24 hours." He said and walked out of the room. She watched him go, her eyes wide. What the hell?
o~~~~~~o
The next morning, Julianna sat in her living room, seething. George had not gotten back to her. And she somehow knew he wouldn't. She wanted to call him, to bitch him out, but she was afraid that his lack of call meant he was through with her. She wasn't ready to face that just yet.
o~~~~~~o
That afternoon, Julianna was starting to worry. He should have called her by now. What if something had happened to him?
"Fuck." She muttered and picked up the phone. She dialed the number to his office and sighed when she got the answering machine. She was about ready to hang up when she realized this was not the normal phone message that he usually left. She hung up and dialed again, listening to the full thing without interruption.
"I'm not going to be in my office for three months starting March 15th. I have temporarily moved to Maryland to film a movie. If the message is important enough, please leave it and if I check the messages in Maryland I may get back to you." Julianna waited for the beep, but she couldn't find the voice to say what she wanted. So she hung up weakly, burying her face in her hands. Fine, if he wanted to play that way, two could play at that game, she thought and began to weep bitterly.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o
After a month out in Maryland, George began to get frustrated. He hadn't talked to her since the morning in her bedroom when she had tried to make him decide. He figured she would have called his office and left a message or at least called his cell phone to see what he was doing. But nothing. Not for the past month. Why should he worry? Apparently, she got the message and wasn't going to attempt to change his mind.
His stomach curled as he realized that was exactly what he had wanted her to do. Well, what did he expect? He thought. That she would fall at his feet, wherever he was and wait for him on his terms? No, he thought, she was a smart woman and she knew when she was rejected. But that hadn't been his plan. He had hoped to convince her that they should keep things the way they were, but since he had left suddenly and not told her, he knew it would have pissed her off. Or made her cry.
Shit, he thought. He hated the thought of making her cry. But he knew he probably had. He had a tendency to do that to women, he thought bitterly.
o~~~~~~o
Julianna paused outside the hotel door. Should she knock or not? She wondered and raised her hand as if to knock, but her hand fell limply back to her side. She raised her other hand to her head and pushed a curl away from her face. Dammit, Julianna, stand up to it, she thought. If you are going to go begging back at his feet, do it with some confidence and dignity.
She raised her hand and knocked sharply on the door, loud enough so that she knew he had to have heard her.
"Coming!" She heard him yell from inside and her stomach clenched. Oh God, maybe she still had time to run, she thought, looking down the hall way in serious consideration. But the door flung open in her face. She froze, staring at him as he stared back at her. Moments later he regained his scattered thoughts and motioned her inside with a sweep of his hand, ignoring the punch of lust to his gut. She walked in, staring at the huge hotel room that he had already seemed to make home in.
"Hey." He muttered weakly before clearing his throat. She raised her head and set her chin. Dignity, she thought.
"Hello." She replied, more confident than she felt. Her insides were jello. They just looked at each other, wondering what to say, how to get started.
"I thought I would hear from you before now." He thought. She paused and tried not to leap into his arms and beg him to forgive her. Instead she put her acting skills to use and turned her voice slightly frosty.
"Yeah, well, I didn't think you would bail on me." She said. He paused.
"Julianna, I didn't bail. I just had to leave in a hurry. I thought you would call."
"And when I didn't, you didn't call me?" She asked, her hazel eyes flashing slightly. In anger, he thought.
"Look, Jules, I really don't have time to go into this now." He said. She paused, her expression flickering from hurt to blank in milliseconds. He barely caught it.
"Fine. Dinner tonight." She said.
"Jules." He protested. She held up at hand.
"I'm in this same hotel, two floors down. Room 147." She said. He paused.
"Fine. I'll be there after work." He said.
"I hope I can count on your word this time." She said. His own eyes flashed with heat, anger.
"You can." He said as she turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. He cursed and paced the floor a few times.
She slumped against the wall in the elevator, praying she would have strength for tonight.
o~~~~~~o
At nearly nine o'clock that night, a nervous Julianna let George into her hotel room. He smiled weakly at her and she nodded in return, not even working up the energy to smile back. She shut the door behind him and watched as he threw his coat on the bed. She walked to another room and he followed. She sat on a loveseat and curled her legs under her. He sat across from her in a matching chair.
"I want to apologize for earlier. I didn't have the right to come and yell at you." Julianna said. He smiled.
"I don't recall any yelling." He said. She smiled slightly.
"You know what I mean." She said. He nodded.
"Yeah." He murmured. "Look, I'm sorry that I didn't call you. I should have.." Julianna cut him off.
"You don't owe me an explanation." She shook her head. "To put it frankly, I pressured you when you didn't want to be pressured. I asked of you what I knew you couldn't give. Maybe I just hoped." She sighed and looked down at her linked fingers. "But I want you to know I don't expect you to give me more than you can anymore. I guess, with Ron, I was used to having my way." She forced a small smile. "I know that's selfish of me, but he let me. Maybe that's why he wasn't enough for me." She shrugged. "I don't know." She looked back up at him.
"What I do know is that if I can't have you completely, I'll take what I can get. Whatever you want to give me, I'll take." She said.
"This past month has been....hard." She paused, not sure whether to elaborate. Julianna didn't want to scare him off now. "At first I was scared because you didn't call and I thought maybe something happened to you. Or maybe, I wasn't scared but I pretended to be because I didn't want to face the truth. Then I got mad because I called your office and heard your message. Then I was just miserable." She paused and glanced down again before looking up at him. "I'm sorry I pushed you." She murmured.
"Jules...I don't deserve your apologies. I hurt you and that's that. I told you I would and to not expect anything, but it's still rude or mean or whatever you want to call it, of me. I'm sorry I hurt you." He said. She nodded.
"Can I ask you one question? Just one. And I want the truth, George." Julianna said. He swallowed nervously and nodded.
"Okay." He said.
"Why?" She asked.
"Why what?"
"Since I've known you you've said that you don't want to get married. You don't want children. And you don't want this relationship of ours to get serious. I want to know why." She said.
"Because I don't want to hurt you or anyone else." He said. She sighed.
"George, that's not what I mean." She paused. "Why do you not want to get married? Have kids? Fall in love?" She asked.
"Talia ruined that for me." George said. Julianna shook her head.
"No, she didn't. You told me before that you hadn't been in love with her and you hadn't wanted children with her. Why did you marry her then if that was the case? What scared you away from all that?"
"I want my independence."
"Why?" Julianna asked. "What's so great about it? Why are you like this?" She asked. He sighed and bent forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his face in his hands.
"Jules.." He trailed off. He didn't want to get into this.
"George, it's a simple question. Maybe you don't love me, so you won't tell me. But we are...or at least were, before all this, best friends. You could tell that Jules things. Why not this me?" She said.
"It's in the past. It's not something I want to bring up." He said. So there really was a reason, Julianna thought.
"Tell me." She murmured.
"Julianna.." He trailed off, sighing.
"George." She stated softly.
"I won't tell anyone. I'm not going to use it against you or anything. I want to know why. You need to talk it through. I'm here. You're here. Tell me." Julianna pressured in a soft voice. He sighed and lifted his head from his hands to peer up at her.
"You're stubborn, you know?" He said. She grinned and nodded.
"So are you. Tell me, George." She said. She wanted to move to him and curl against him, but she knew better. He would either recoil or he would take her to bed. And she knew she wouldn't resist the latter, but that wasn't what she wanted at that moment.
"I was twenty years old and in college." He said. She sat back in satisfaction, listening intently. "There was this woman. Heather was her name. She was a grade above me in college. I was a sophomore, she was a junior." He took a deep breath, as if gathering the strength to go on. "I fell in love with her. Or at least, I thought I did. I'm not sure so much anymore." He paused and shook his head.
"Anyway, she got pregnant." George said. Julianna's jaw dropped. "I was thrilled for that short moment she gave me." He paused, cleared his throat. "Then she told me she had gotten an abortion. It was like a slap in the face. She had never given me the choice about the baby. She had gone and gotten it done without telling me first." George hung his head as Julianna stared at him.
"And she left me. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore. A week later I saw her with another guy." He sighed. "I saw her with another guy. Literally." He shook his head and straightened his back.
"She pretty much cured me of love and children. Then Talia came along. She was....well, Talia and she convinced me to marry her." He paused. "I didn't love her, like I should. Or even as much as I had loved Heather." He sighed. Julianna's breath trembled silently. Was he still in love with this Heather? She wondered. "And when Talia decided she wanted a divorce, that pretty much cured me of marriage. So here I am." He said and let out a loud whoosh of air.
"I've never told anyone that before. Not my parents, my sister, my other friends." He paused and looked up at her as she watched him.
"George, I had no idea." She said and made her way over to him on the chair. She slid onto his lap and slipped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, glad she wasn't leaving now that she knew. He buried his head in her curls and cradled her closer.
"Jules.." He pulled her away a bit and took another deep breath. "I do love you." He said. Her eyes widened in shock. "But I don't know if I love you the way that you deserve to be loved. You deserve so much better, Jules. You deserve a man who can give you what you want." He said. She leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes.
"You're what I want." She murmured. His heart flipped in his chest. "George, I didn't need anything more than this. I love you." She said and let out a shuddering breath as her eyes fluttered open. "I don't need marriage. I'll take it, but I don't need it. I dated Ron for years and we never married. Or even got engaged. We barely even talked about it. If it's not what you want, then we won't do it. But I need you. I want you. All of you. I can live without anything else." She said.
"You want children." He murmured. She closed her eyes again but he saw the brief flash of pain in her eyes.
"I do. But I don't have to have one. I don't need them." She opened her eyes and pulled away from him a bit and looked down.
"George, when I was dating Ron in the second year or so, I got pregnant." She said. His eyes widened. "I had a miscarriage. Ron and I barely talked about it and we never discussed having any children...after...that." She paused. "We hadn't planned on getting pregnant, but when I found out I was...happy. But then since I lost the baby, I think Ron knew I was hurting and he comforted me when I needed him to, but we never once spoke a word about it afterwards. You're the only one I've told." She sighed shakily and looked into George's eyes.
"Ever since then I've wanted a child. But I don't know if that's because I really do, or if it's because I want to make up for the one I lost. And I'm not even sure if I can have children. I know some women still have children after miscarriages but some can't and I don't know which category I fit in to." She shook her head.
"George, I don't need a baby. I'm not sure if I even want one. I'm not asking you for one. And I don't expect one." She sighed. "I do know that I want you. I need you. And I'm asking for you. I'm sorry if that scares you, but it's the truth and what I feel." She closed her eyes and leaned forward a bit.
"You're still hurting over the miscarriage." He said. She sighed and nodded as tears came to her eyes.
"I am." She murmured and he saw as a tear slid from the corner of her eye, down her cheek. He wiped it away.
"Hold on to me." He said, pulling her close. He held her as the sobs racked her body. He rocked her gently in his arms, trying to sooth her as she gripped him. When she finally settled down, resting softly against him, she spoke.
"I've only allowed myself to cry over it one time." She said. He drew her away.
"Why?" He asked, wiping her wet cheeks with his thumbs.
"I didn't want to cry for something that wasn't and would never be." She said.
"I know how you feel." He said. Her smile was shaky, but she managed it.
"Oh George, I'm sorry about this. I shouldn't have blubbered like that."
"Why not?" He asked.
"Because. It's embarrassing." She said. He shook his head and pressed his lips to her brow in a soft kiss that had her heart turning over in her chest.
"Julianna, I'm afraid of you." He said. She looked up at him, surprise written all over her face.
"What? Why?" She asked.
"Because what we have is special." He paused. "I loved Heather. Maybe I even loved Talia. But I wasn't in love with either one of them. I'm scared of you because I'm in love with you, unlike I have been with anyone else." She simply stared at him, her heart pounding and her mouth open in shock. "I've given my heart to someone before and nothing good happened from that. Maybe I learned a lesson, but nothing beautiful came out of it."
"I'm not Heather." She murmured, cupping his face in her hands.
"I know you aren't." He said, resting his brow against hers.
"I'm in love with you, George. I won't hurt you on purpose like she did." She said, finding the outstanding fear he held in his heart. He pulled her close, crushing her to his chest. She didn't care that she couldn't breath, she only cared about his arms around her and his face in her hair.
"Marry me, Jules." He said. She pulled back quickly and shook her head.
"Oh George, you don't really mean that.." She trailed off. He nodded.
"You're not Heather. I love you, you love me. I want you, you want me. I don't believe you'll hurt me on purpose and I know I wouldn't you. Not anymore." He sighed. "I want to marry you. I want to give you those children."
"Oh George." She murmured, tears coming to her eyes.
"No, Jules, don't cry." He said, taking her cheeks in his hands. She threw her arms around his neck.
"Yes. I'll marry you. I'll have your babies." She said and turned her face to his. She rained kisses over his face.
"Now, Jules. Let's make a baby now. Let's get married soon." He said. He yearned for a child nearly as much as she.
"George..I..." She smiled brilliantly then. "I love you so much." She said and locked her mouth to his, her arms twined around his neck, her heart beating against his as one.
"And I love you, darling." He replied softly against her lips.
o~~~~~~oo~~~~~~o