June 2, 2001
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This story may be a bit confusing. I hope I do a good enough job, so that you can follow me.
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"Mama!" Julianna looked down at her eleven month old daughter who was gripping the side of the couch as she stood, somewhat wobbly on her legs. Julianna grinned and bent forward, reaching her arms out to her daughter. Little Adrianna had learned to walk while holding onto things and had already learned that it pleased her mother immensely. So every time she walked, she made sure Julianna watched. Julianna gladly obliged.
Julianna smiled in delight as Adrianna gripped the couch and began to walk the few feet towards her. Adrianna stopped, wobbling, before she continued on, straight into her mother's arms. Julianna scooped her up, snuggling the little girl into her arms. Adrianna wrapped her arms around Julianna's neck and curled her little fists in Julianna's curls. Julianna took a deep breath, breathing in the wonderful baby scent of her daughter.
And at the same time, a dull pain filled her heart as she squeezed her daughter close. Adrianna did not have a father. Well, she had a father, obviously. But there was no man in her life that she could call Daddy. Julianna knew that it was all her fault. She had become pregnant by accident and hadn't even known who the father was. Since she had been dating Ron Eldard at the time, she told him that it was his child, praying that it would end up that way in the end. When she was six months pregnant with the child she claimed was Ron's, he had died suddenly.
Julianna remembered the officers who had opened her door at eleven o'clock at night, just before she was off to bed and told her the horrible news that Ron had been in a fatal car accident. It was some consolation to her that he had died instantly, hadn't felt any pain. She had grieved for him, although she didn't love him. At least not the way you should love a man when you were about to give birth to his child.
Julianna had fallen out of love with Ron slowly, before she was pregnant. She hadn't even realized what had happened until she realized she was in love with another man. A man who was incapable of loving her back, or so she thought. Having sex with George had been a mistake. But she knew she would never take that one night back, because it had produced her daughter. This beautiful angel she held in her arms. She hadn't known who the father of her child was until the day Adrianna had been born. The moment Julianna had seen her, she had known right away that George was the father of her child, not Ron. And she hadn't had the courage to tell George that her daughter was also his.
Since the first day George had found out she was pregnant, she had told him the child was Ron's, although she had expected it wasn't all along. When Ron was killed, she had turned to George briefly and he had comforted her but she had known that no matter how much she loved George, she could never tell him this secret.
She would die, holding the secret of her daughter in her heart, she thought. She would tell her daughter that Ron was her father. Not George. And all Julianna could do was thank God that her daughter looked like her and not George. Even though she was Julianna's replica, Julianna noticed subtle hints of George in her daughter. And every time she did, she ached.
Now, holding her daughter close, Julianna swallowed the pain and pulled her tiny child away from her. Adrianna smiled and released Julianna's hair, moving her tiny hands up to cup her mother's cheeks. She began to babble in baby talk, talking excitedly to her mother. Julianna grinned.
"Is that so, Addy?" She asked and chuckled to herself as she stood, her daughter on her hip. "Let's go fix some toast." Julianna said and carried her daughter into the kitchen.
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Little did Julianna know that George had done plenty of aching himself. The day he had found out she was pregnant, he had rushed to her house, completely forgetting that Ron may be there. Luck was on his side that night, because Ron wasn't home and he got to talk to Julianna privately.
He had put his good acting skills to use when she had told him that the child was Ron's. He had pretended to be relieved, when in reality his heart was aching on the inside. He had congratulated her, telling her to give his best wishes to Ron and had left her.
He had gotten the call in the middle of the night, nearly panicking when he heard Julianna crying on the other end, asking him to come over to her house. He had sped over there, breaking a great amount of driving laws and had burst into the house, demanding to know what was wrong. She had bleakly told him that Ron was dead. He had held her, feeling the gentle movements of the baby inside her against him as he held.
In that first moment that he had felt the baby, a feeling of love had passed over him just to be quickly shattered when he remembered the child was not his. He had comforted, but had backed away as soon as she had no longer needed him. Since then, he visited her and Adrianna often, only because he sensed Julianna was having a hard time being a single mother. He wanted to help her as much as possible but he tried to stay emotionally unattached. The problem was that every time he saw the pair, he fell even more hopelessly in love with them. That was why he had no idea what he was doing on her front stoop, knocking on the door once again.
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Julianna grabbed a dish towel and wiped the toast crumbs off Adrianna's fingers as she heard the doorbell ring. Hitching Adrianna up a bit on her hip, Julianna made her way to the door. She peeked through the peep hole and had a warm smile ready for George when she opened the door.
"Well, hello there." She said and felt her daughter bury her face into her hair shyly, her tiny hand clutching at the front of Julianna's shirt.
"Hey Jules. Hi Addy." George said, reaching out and ruffling the little girl's curls. She burrowed further into her mother before she lifted her head and smiled at him. He chuckled. "At first glance she's always so bashful, but she warms up to you right away." George said. Julianna grinned and stepped aside, letting him into the house.
"She's a mama's girl, aren't you, Addy?" Julianna asked, smiling at her daughter. Addy smiled, the few teeth she had showing widely.
"Why I do believe the young lady has grown another tooth since I saw her last." George said.
"Ah, it has been awhile, hasn't it?" Julianna grinned. "Wanna see her new trick?" George chuckled.
"You act as if she is a puppy." George said. Julianna smiled and lifted Addy above her head.
"You're my little puppy, aren't ya?" Julianna asked, burying her face into Adrianna's neck. The little girl giggled and clutched at the top of Julianna's head. Julianna grinned and pulled the girl safely against her chest.
"So what's her new trick?" George asked. Julianna grinned and bent down, crouching on the floor.
"Here, go over there a little bit and sit down on the floor." Julianna said. George followed her instructions, sitting down on the floor a few feet away and crossing his legs in Indian style. Julianna placed Addy's tiny feet on the floor and put her hands gently on Addy's hips. "Go to George." Julianna encouraged gently. Addy took a shaky step towards George, grinning madly as Julianna held her lightly. A huge grin spread over George's face as he realized what was happening. He held his arms out to the little girl.
"C'mere Addy. Thatta girl, you can do it." George encouraged as she walked more steadily to him now that she had gotten her rhythm. Julianna let go of her and George caught her just before she teetered on her legs. He laughed heartily and laid back on the floor, swinging Adrianna over his head. She laugh wildly, kicking her legs about as he brought her down and blew a raspberry on her stomach. She squealed as he lowered her to his stomach, letting her stand there as he held her up by her arm pits. Julianna grinned happily and watched the two of them, love spilling over her. She bit back a sigh and settled beside George on the floor.
"She started walking with my help last week. Now she can do it if she holds onto something. The couch or a chair." She said, a proud motherly smile on her face. George chuckled as Addy busied herself with her own fingers in her mouth. George turned to Julianna and smiled.
"She's getting so big." He murmured. She smiled and nodded, reaching out and brushing a tiny curl from Adrianna's forehead. The baby looked at her, gazing into her mother's eyes briefly before turning and studying her hand as she sucked on the other.
Julianna smiled wistfully. The only feature her daughter shared with her father were the eyes. She had the same shape of eyes as Julianna, but her eyes were the same deep chocolate as George's. Julianna doubted that George would take that one small clue and realize that this child was his.
"Yeah, she is." Julianna whispered and met George's eyes with her own.
"If you ever need a babysitter, I'm available." George said. Julianna nearly jerked when he said the words but she nodded after a brief hesitation.
"In fact, I'm going to need one tomorrow." She said.
"Oh really? Why's that?" George asked.
"I've got a meeting with my agents." Julianna said.
"Ah. They won't meet you here?" He asked.
"No. I have to go to Roger's house because his wife is making dinner." Julianna said and rolled her eyes. "For some reason, he is the only agent I know who has his clients eat dinner at his house." George chuckled.
"Well, what time do you need me? I'm free all night." He said.
"Uh, from six to about nine, I'd say." Julianna said.
"I'll be here at five-thirty." He said. She smiled.
"Thanks George." He smiled.
"Anytime." He said and turned back to the child on his stomach who was now gazing intently at him, as if evaluating him. Julianna grinned and laid back beside George, staring up at their daughter.
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George sat in the nursery, rocking a nearly asleep Adrianna in his lap. She was sucking slowly on the bottle that Julianna had instructed for him to warm up for Addy before George was to put her to bed at eight o'clock. He had followed her instructions carefully, settling quickly into the routine with Adrianna. And it amazed him to know how much he was enjoying his time with this little girl.
As George cradled the baby comfortably against his chest, he watched Addy intently. She was gazing into his eyes and he was studying her just as intently. He felt that she was sizing him up a bit and he wasn't sure whether to be amused or nervous. He grinned slightly and bent down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. When he moved back from her, she closed her eyes for a few seconds, almost asleep. She fought the sleep and forced her eyes open. George watched those chocolately eyes gaze up at him and he felt a slight nagging of something in the back of his mind.
Adrianna had dark brown eyes, the color of dark chocolate. Julianna had hazel eyes. Adrianna had definitely not inherited those eyes from Julianna. And George was almost certain that Ron had had green eyes. The other thing bothering him was that her eyes were the exact same color as his own. He shook his head, realizing he had never met any of Ron's family. Any of them could have eyes like that. Or even someone in Julianna's family. He had met her family before, but he wasn't one to get in someone's face and note their eye color.
And he knew he was reaching, wishing for something that just wasn't. That would never be. He sighed as Adrianna's little mouth fell away from the bottle. He carefully took the bottle away and bent down, setting it on the floor. He brought Adrianna up to his shoulder and began rubbing her back as he waited patiently for her to fall asleep.
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George made his way quietly down the stairs. He was wide awake and bored, now that Adrianna was tucked safely into her crib upstairs. He walked over to the desk in the den and flicked on the baby monitor that Julianna had told him was there in case he wanted to use it. As he turned the monitor on he saw a small notebook on the desk, a pen thrown carelessly over it. Somewhat curious, George flipped open the small notebook and swallowed slightly as he realized what he had come across.
Julianna's girly hand writing was sprawled across the page. A quick glance told George that it was a journal and this particular date was the day after Ron's death. Curiously, he began to read although he felt a nagging since of guilt in the back of his mind. He really shouldn't intrude on her privacy, but his eyes just continued moving across the page.
Last night a couple of police officers knocked on my door, minutes before I was heading up to go to bed. They told me that Ron had been in a car accident. Ron is dead. He died instantly, which is a relief I suppose. At least he did not feel any pain, didn't have time to worry about anything before he died, such as me or the baby.
I never got to tell him my secret. But I don't suppose I ever would have told him if he had lived anyhow.
George paused. What secret? he wondered curiously. Maybe it would say, he thought and continued reading. But the journal said nothing of her secret. George's brow furrowed and he flipped through to the newest entry. He knew he should not be standing here, reading into her thoughts like this, but nothing was stopping him and his conscious hadn't kicked into gear yet. This latest entry had been written that day, he saw.
Yesterday George came over to the house. He hasn't been by for awhile. I sometimes wonder what makes him come and why sometimes he doesn't come for weeks.
I showed him Adrianna's walk. He was thrilled by it. Every time I let myself think about it, my heart would ache for George. And for my daughter. I don't know how I would ever tell George that Adrianna is his daughter.
George froze. Did he read that right? he wondered. He re-read the same sentence over and over again, drilling it into his mind. Adrianna was his daughter? He read on.
I feel horrible because I led Ron to believe for all those months that the baby was his, when I knew all along that it probably wasn't. And the first time I saw Addy, I knew immediately that she was George's. Not Ron's. But I could never tell George. He doesn't want children. I've heard him say so many times in the past. But the odd thing is, he's never said it, not once since he found out I was pregnant.
I know that when Addy grows up and begins to question why she doesn't have a father like everyone else, I'll tell her that it's because her father died before she was born. She'll never know about George, either. I'll die with my secret held close to my heart.
George stood, staring down at the entry. He read it once more before he closed it slightly. Adrianna was his. She had gotten those eyes from him. That curious tilt of her head, he noticed earlier, was inherited from him. How had he not seen it before? he wondered. He turned slowly and made his way up the stairs and straight into the nursery. He walked to the crib and stood over it, staring down at the beautiful child that he had created. Julianna and himself had made this tiny person that was just learning to walk.
He couldn't resist it any longer and he bent down, scooping her carefully into his arms.
"You're beautiful, baby." He smiled warmly, fatherly tears coming to his eyes. "You're mine." He whispered to the sleeping girl and nuzzled her gently against his cheek. His smile widen when her hand came up to touch his face, even though she was still sleeping. He turned and headed out of the nursery.
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Julianna sighed and pushed her way into the house an hour later. She was always exhausted after spending an evening with Roger's wife. The woman never shut her mouth. But Julianna couldn't argue that the woman wasn't pleasant.
Julianna caught the sight of the back of George's head. He was sitting on the couch, looking down at something. She put her keys on the table and slid out of her shoes.
"Hey George." She said, coming around to the other side of the couch. She stopped when she saw he was holding Adrianna in his lap, even though she was asleep. George lifted his head and looked at Julianna. Julianna stepped back as she caught sight of the look in his eyes. Oh God, she thought. He knew. She could tell that he knew.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" George murmured, smiling as he looked back down at Addy. Julianna stumbled over her thoughts. How did he know? "She looks just like you, Jules. Except..." He smiled. "Except she has my eyes."
He hadn't put all that together just by looking in Adrianna's eyes, had he? she wondered. Julianna licked her lips nervously.
"How did you....I mean.." She trailed off. She watched as his warm face turned slightly guilty.
"Actually, I.....Uh. I read your journal..." He trailed off and studied her, watching as her face paled immediately and she stepped back once again.
"You read my journal?" She asked, her voice now frosty. To him, if felt like the room temperature had dropped several degrees.
"It was an accident.." He said weakly, knowing the excuse was lame.
"Right." She paused. "Your eyes just went ballistic and you couldn't stop them from reading." He lowered his eyes, looking at the baby in his arms. His daughter. He couldn't get over that fact.
"I didn't realize it was your journal until I opened it up and saw." He said. He didn't add the fact that he had read the part about Ron's death before he had read the entry about him being the father. "I didn't mean to read the sentence that told me I was a father." He said and looked up at her, his own voice and gaze equally cold. She momentarily forgot that he had invaded her privacy when she remembered that he knew. "You didn't even have the common courtesy to tell me that I was a father." He shook his head. "Maybe you don't think I want kids. But did you ever think that maybe I'd like to know I had one?" He paused, dragging the silence out. "I've seen you and Addy numerous times since her birth. And you never once thought that maybe I should know." He finished. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out for a moment.
"You invaded my privacy." She muttered.
"You didn't tell me I had a baby. Our baby." He said, much more confident than she seemed.
"I did what I thought was best for her." Julianna said.
"By not letting her have a father? By telling her that her father had died before she was born?" He asked. Julianna lifted her chin defiantly.
"I can talk care of her." She said.
"Oh, I'm sure you can. You have by yourself for 11 months, if I recall correctly." He tilted his head and her throat constricted as she thought of the way her daughter often did that very same thing. "But did you ever think that it might be better for her well-being if she had a mother and a father?" He asked.
"Not if her father was never there. You're not even home 7 months out of the year! You're a workaholic. I want my child to have the best she possible can. I don't want her to have a father that's only there for her half of the time."
"Did you ever think that maybe I might change that if I had children?" He raised his eyebrows. "I'm a workaholic, because it's all I had. I didn't have anybody I had to stay home for. So does that make it a crime for me to work?" Tears nipped at the back of her throat.
"You don't want children. So why should you change that for the one you have?" She asked back, fighting the tears. She would not cry in front of him.
"Because I love her." He said simply. "Sleeping with you that night was not entirely an accident, Julianna." He said. His words stopped her completely. She stood, frozen in her place. "I slept with you because I wanted to. But you did a good job freaking out about it. So I assumed that you didn't feel the same about it as I did. And since you had Ron, I let the matter alone since you made no move to break up with him. You have no idea how I felt when I found out you were pregnant and you told me that Ron was the father." He stopped and she slowly began to speak in a low voice.
"I do know how you felt. I did not want my child to be Ron's. I wanted with my entire being for that baby to be yours. But because I knew Ron would always be there for me, I told him that the baby was his even though I knew in my heart that she wasn't. You have no idea how I felt every day that I was with him, letting him talk to the child growing inside me. Letting him love it."
"I know." He shuddered still, at the thought of it. "I wanted to be that man. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was jealous. And I wanted the baby to be mine." He paused. "It was wrong of me to invade your privacy, but I can't say that I regret it. If I hadn't accidentally read what I did, I would probably have never known that this beautiful little girl was my own." He said and smiled down at Adrianna. Julianna began to cry quietly. She couldn't fight it anymore as she looked at him, looking down at their daughter with such love.
"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you..." She trailed off, wiping the tears from her cheeks. He smiled grimly.
"Maybe I should quiet down a bit when he comes to sharing my life with the world. Because even you believed that I never wanted children." He stood carefully, making sure that Adrianna didn't wake. She shifted in his arms, her tiny hand grasping a handful of his shirt. He smiled and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. Julianna's heart clenched and the tears began to pour now, slipping helplessly from her eyes. George made his way to Julianna and he stood in front of her. He reached out, touching her face with his hand. "Don't cry." He murmured. She struggled to stop the flow of tears, but they wouldn't cease. "I'll take Addy up to her room. I'll be right back." He said.
When he left the room she fought the tears, brushing them madly from her face. Dammit, she wouldn't cry. She hated crying. It made her feel weak and stupid. She took a deep breath and controlled the tears, squeezing her eyes shut until she felt them pass. Why did he have to be so......George? she wondered. She walked around the couch, heading into the kitchen. She needed something to do because for some odd reason, she was suddenly nervous. She opened the fridge and went about getting the two of them something to drink. As she filled ice into the glasses, she heard him walk into the kitchen. She kept her back to him as she filled the glasses. Then she turned and sat the glasses on the counter before turning back around to open the fridge.
Before she could ask him what he wanted to drink she felt his hands on her waist, tugging her around to face him. Her eyes lowered and she studied the neck of his t-shirt. He sighed and reached a hand up, tipping her chin up to look at him.
"I'm sorry I invaded your privacy the way I did." He said. She nodded slightly.
"It's alright...I think..Maybe I knew it was there. Maybe I hoped you would look at it or something. I was scared to death of what I would do if you found out." She said, splaying her hands across his chest since she was feeling a little too close to him. "But I guess I wanted you to know, I just didn't want to have to tell you." She let her head drop a bit, letting her forehead rest against his chest. He ran his hands up her arms, stopping them at her shoulders.
"It's what you thought you had to do. I respect that. Even if I do regret that I didn't know for the first eleven months." When she lifted her head, there were tears in her eyes again. "Oh no, don't do that. Don't cry baby." He said, pulling her against him. He hated when woman cried, especially this particular woman. She buried her face into his neck and held on tightly as she let out a muffled sob. "Dammit." He murmured and stroked a hand up and down her back. Her pulled her away slightly, looking at her. "You're pulling me apart here." He murmured, wiping his thumb across her face. She shook her head, swallowing another sob that was lodged in her throat.
"I'm sorry." She said and pulled out of his arms. She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He followed her, seriously confused now. She just kept turning off and on. Hot and cold.
"Jules?" He asked.
"Hmm?" She replied and looked around the room, hoping she could find something to occupy her. She saw a pile of magazines on the table and bent down, straightening them up. Or at least she tried to before he caught her forearms in his hands.
"Dammit, Jules. Talk to me." He said. She pulled her arms out of his grip and let them hang idly at her side.
"You have a daughter." She said. He nodded. "I need to know what you're planning on doing about it." She said.
"I'm not doing this next movie." He said.
"What?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.
"I was scheduled to start filming a new movie in 2 months. I would have to go to Nevada...Or Vegas more specifically. I'll tell them I can't do it. That something came up. I am not losing these next few months." He grinned, already warming up to the idea. "She's learning to walk and to talk. I have to be here for that. All of that." Her heart fluttered in her chest. He was going to be sticking around. Suddenly he stopped. "I mean, if that's all okay with you, because....Well, she's your daughter first.." He trailed off.
"No, George. That's okay with me. It's more than okay. It's great. I want her to know who you are, I mean, you are her Daddy and I..." She was cut off as George's eyes widened and the biggest grin she had ever seen spread across his face.
"I wonder when she'll start calling me Daddy?" He asked and let out a happy laugh. He swooped Julianna up into his arms and twirled her around. "It's finally happening." He planted her firmly back on the ground and pressed his lips against hers quickly, before she knew what was going on. The kiss sent fireworks shooting throughout her and she nearly protested when he pulled away. She stood, staring up at him as he grinned widely. "Sorry about that." He said happily before he stopped and shook his head. "Wait, no I'm not sorry. In fact, I want to do it again." He tugged her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers once more, despite the bewildered look on her face. He was still chuckling when he pulled away, watching her dazed expression.
"George..I.." She shook her head, trying to clear the fog.
"You want to make wild passionate love with me all night long?" He suggested, grinning. "I know. Me too." He said and started to drag her to the stairs.
"George!" She resisted. He stopped.
"What?" He asked and stared into her eyes. She couldn't find the words to protest. "If you don't want me to take you up into that bedroom and do exactly that, you better tell me that right this moment." He said. She stayed silent, staring up at him. "That's what I thought!" He exclaimed and grinned. He bent and hauled her up over his shoulder, patting her butt playfully.
"George!" She squealed, laughing. He chuckled as he ran up the stairs and into her room. He threw her onto the bed and fell on top of her. When her arms enveloped him in welcome, he knew he was right where he belonged and didn't intend to leave. Ever.
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He had been wrong about one thing, Julianna thought as she drifted off to sleep. They didn't make wild passionate love all night long. They made sweet passionate love all night long.
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I'm sorry if I made anyone mad by killing you-know-who! I had to do it for the sake of the story! :)
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