April 27-30, 01.

xooooooox

The images can get kind of graphical. If you are under 13, you may want to skip this. Once again, I don't know much about all of the medical stuff.

And I don't know anything about Julianna or George's agents, so any reference to them in this story can be WAY off!

xooooooox

Julianna, at 9 weeks pregnant, yawned and stretched in her bed. She rolled over and opened her eyes, sighing when she saw George's side of the bed empty. She reached for a note she saw on his pillow that he had left for her.

Jules, I had to go to an early interview this morning at E! and then I have to go film afterwards. I'll call you and see if maybe we can have lunch. Love ya, George.

She sighed and folded the note up, sitting it on the stand beside her and lying back on the bed. She felt like she hadn't seen much of him lately. Last night had been wonderful, he took her out to eat and they had spent a romantic evening in bed afterwards. She knew that she was going to be feeling this way a lot and knew she would have to get use to it. Julianna had known getting involved with George would result in some loneliness and she had to endure it if she wanted to be with him. Which she wanted more than anything. She loved him, it was as simple as that.

Julianna got out of bed and headed for the shower. She turned it on full blast and leaned against the shower wall. She was having some cramps. She placed a hand on her stomach and stood straighter. Julianna was not worried because with her other pregnancy, she had some cramps around this time too, but she didn't remember them being this strong. She shrugged and stuck her head under the spout.

Julianna was wrapped in a robe and was making herself some toast downstairs in the kitchen after her shower. Her stomach still hurt but she hadn't taken any aspirin, hoping it would go away. She sat down at the table with the newspaper and ate her toast.

As she stood, she felt some wetness between her legs. Her eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement and she headed for the bathroom. She pushed her robe aside and pulled her boxer shorts and underwear down and sat on the toilet. She stopped cold at what she saw. There was some blood in her underwear. She had never spotted during her first pregnancy. When she wiped there was some more blood. She was panicking as she stood, making her way quickly into the kitchen. She picked up the phone and dialed George's cell phone number. She waited impatiently but he did not pick up.

"Oh God, George, please." She whispered, waiting a few more rings. He most likely had his ringer off because of the interview or he had left it in the dressing room or something. She paged him with a 911 and left her own cell phone number before she went quickly up the stairs. She got dressed frantically and went quickly downstairs, picking up her keys just as her cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID and saw that it was George's cell phone.

"George?" She asked, flipping the phone on.

"Jules? What's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm spotting and cramping." She said, breathlessly.

"Oh God, Jules."

"I'm driving myself to LA Memorial and going to the ER." Julianna said.

"I'll be there, okay?" George asked.

"Please, George."

"I'll be there. Go now." He said.

"I love you." She said as she rushed into the garage.

"I love you, too." He replied and they hung up hurriedly. George paused briefly, running his fingers through his short hair before he spun into action.

xooooooox

"Relax." Dr. Mitchell told Julianna. Dr. Mitchell was her OB/GYN and she worked at LA Memorial. She had rushed downstairs when Julianna had arrived and stated her problem. The doors burst open and George ran in.

"Jules!" He exclaimed. Her face was tense as she reached one hand out to him.

"George." She said. He took her hand.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"We have to wait and see." Dr. Mitchell said. She was hooking Julianna up to a fetal heart monitor and there was an ultrasound machine standing by.

"What happened?" George asked Julianna.

"I woke up with cramps and when I was eating breakfast I felt something. So I went to the bathroom and I was spotting. A lot." She whispered this last part. He clasped her hands tightly in his.

"I don't know if we'll be able to get anything on the fetal heart monitor because it might be too early for the baby's heartbeat to show up." Dr. Mitchell said. Julianna bit her lip nervously as Dr. Mitchell moved the strap around on her stomach, trying to find something.

"Nothing yet. But I can't be certain where the baby is positioned until I get an ultrasound." Dr. Mitchell said. Julianna and George nodded as she began prepping Julianna for the machine. She spread the green gel on Julianna's stomach and turned on the machine. She placed the paddle on Julianna's abdomen and within moments a picture appeared on the screen. The two watched as the doctor moved the paddle around. She pointed something on the screen.

"There's the fetus." She said, concentrating on the screen. She shook her head. "Okay, since I know where the baby is located, I'll try the fetal heart monitor again."

"Did you see anything?" Julianna asked, her voice shriller than normal. Dr. Mitchell didn't reply, just began strapping Julianna into the monitor. Julianna's mouth dropped open. She remembered the other doctor's first reactions well. She had been over it in her mind millions of times. "Oh God." Julianna moaned. George looked at her, his eyes wide and his face fearful. He must have missed something.

"It doesn't mean anything, Julianna." Julianna shook her head, tears in her eyes, already knowing the outcome. Dr. Mitchell listened for the tiniest blip on the fetal heart monitor, but she once again got nothing.

"Not again." Julianna whimpered, her eyes squeezed closed.

"Is it..." George trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

"The baby was a little small for 9 weeks. I'd say the fetus died about a week ago." Dr. Mitchell said gently. Julianna let out a low, strangled moan.

"A week?" George whispered. His head bent suddenly, as if he had the world's weight pulling it down. He clutched Julianna's hand between his own.

"You have a decision to make. You can either let the baby miscarriage on it's own, which is what would have happened if you hadn't come into the hospital. Or you can choose to have D&C, dilatation and curettage, which is a procedure in which we dilate you and extract the fetus by scraping it off the uterine wall. We could do a biopsy to see if we can determine why the fetus was terminated, if you'd like." Dr. Mitchell fell silent as she watched the couple, painfully taking this all in. "I'll give you some time to think about it." She said and stood, making her way out of the room. George and Julianna sat in silence for a few moments before he looked up at her, looking at her face. She was crying silently, the hot tears sliding down her cheeks as she stared at the equipment used to diagnose her.

"Jules..." He murmured. She turned, looking at him. "I'm sorry." He said. Her chin trembled and she bent her head foreward, sobbing silently. "C'mere." He said, pulling her as close to him as he could.

"Not another." She whispered, her voice hoarse. "I can't take this anymore, George."

"Shh..." He said, letting her bury her face into his shoulder as she held tightly to him, as if he was the last link she had left to hold on to. He held her as she sobbed quietly into him, his own heart breaking in two.

xooooooox

Julianna lay in her own bed at home. She was having some slight back pain and cramps. The day before yesterday she had the baby taken out through dilatation and curettage, as the doctor had suggested. The doctor had told her she might bleed a little, have some cramping or back pain. Luckily she didn't have that much bleeding and the cramping wasn't so bad, but the back pain was hurting her. She couldn't sit up without it hurting. So she had stayed in bed the past two days.

She couldn't believe she had lost another baby. She wasn't sure she believed it just yet. And she didn't know if she even wanted to try for another if all she did was get the child killed. The doctor had assured her that it wasn't her fault the fetus died, that it just happened for no reason it seemed. Or at least none that they could find, but she was positive it wasn't Julianna's fault. Julianna wasn't sure.

She knew she was being punished for something even if she didn't know what. George had spent all day with her yesterday, waiting on her left and right and she had finally convinced him to go to work today. But of course, he had called her sister and now Rachel was downstairs, thinking Julianna was asleep.

Julianna rolled onto her side and let the hot tears start to fall. Ever since she had found out about her miscarriage at the hospital, she just couldn't stop the tears. Two of her children had died and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why.

Julianna jerked a bit as she felt hands on her back. She turned her shoulder and saw her older sister, sitting on the bed behind her.

"Jules.." Rachel murmured, her own dark hair curled against her shoulders.

"Oh Rachel." Julianna whimpered. Rachel lay beside her and wrapped her arms around her sister.

"Shh..Jules, it's okay." Rachel said, rubbing Julianna's back, hoping to be of some assurance to her baby sister.

xooooooox

George walked into the bedroom he shared with Julianna. He had just finished talking to Rachel downstairs. She had told him about Julianna's crying spell this afternoon. All of this depressed him. It was all just shit. Julianna didn't deserve this. Hell, he couldn't think of anything he had done to deserve this.

He sighed and looked at her still form on the bed. The room was dark, so he could only see the outline of her shape and hear her quiet, even breathing. He began to undress, quietly moving about the room as he changed into his pajamas. George moved to his side of the bed and slid under the covers. He reached out, touching Julianna's arm gently as he moved closer to her. She shifted slightly and turned towards him, her face peaceful for once. He wrapped his arms around her waist as gently as he could, hoping not to wake her. She turned her head into his chest and let out a sigh, still not waking. He kissed her head gently before closing his eyes and hoping sleep would come quickly.

xooooooox

It had been three weeks since Julianna's miscarriage. She was growing more and more nervous every day since the doctor had said she could start having sex about two weeks after the procedure. George hadn't mentioned anything else about sex or trying for more children, but she could see him trying to bring it up various times, but he would decide not to.

She pushed a hair behind her ear as she heard him come into the kitchen. She was fixing herself some toast and felt as he wrapped his arms around her torso gently and kissed her neck.

"Morning." He said.

"Hey." She replied. He pulled away and fixed himself a cup of coffee. She took her toast to the table and sat down, picking up a piece and taking a bite. She watched as he fixed himself a bagel.

"What are you doing today?" George asked, pulling out a chair at the table beside her.

"Oh, I have a meeting with my agent." Julianna said. He nodded. "He wanted to discuss what I'm doing since I haven't exactly had many jobs lately."

"Tell him to kiss your ass." George said.

"George!" She exclaimed. He chuckled.

"Sorry, you know I don't like the guy." George said. She nodded.

"I know." She replied. They eat silently for a minute or so.

"Jules?" He asked.

"Hmm?" She replied. She already knows what he is about to ask.

"The doctor said we could start having sex again." George said. She swallowed a piece of toast.

"Uh huh." She replied, noncommittal.

"Are we going to?" George asked. She raises her eyebrows.

"Horney?" She asked. He looked down, his face flashing with hurt. She cringed, not meaning to be a complete bitch about it. "George, I.."

"You know that's not what I meant." He said.

"I know." She shook her head. "I don't know if I can talk about this right now, George." Julianna said, standing. He looked up at her as she threw her paper plate into the trash can and dumped the rest of her coffee down the sink, placing her mug down in it. "I've gotta go to the meeting. I'll call you later tonight." She said and threw her coat on over her shoulders. She already had her shoes on.

"Jules.." He trailed off. She picked up her keys.

"See ya!" She said and headed out the door. He hung his head, his chin nearly touching his chest. She knew she should have answered him, but she couldn't have this discussion. Not now.

xooooooox

"Hello?" George asked. Julianna nearly hesitated before replying.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Oh, hi Jules." George said softly.

"Um..I'm going to go to Alexandra's house in New York." Julianna said, thinking of her sister.

"Why?" George asked, confused now.

"Oh, she's sick and she needs help with Kenzie." Julianna said. McKenzie was Alex's 14 month old daughter.

"Oh, alright." He paused. "When are you leaving?" George asked.

"Now." She replied.

"Right now?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you on my car phone." Julianna said.

"Oh, alright." George said slowly.

"I'll, uh, call you from her house." Julianna said. George nodded.

"Alright. I guess I'll talk to you when you call." George said.

"I love you." Julianna murmured, not sure if he would hear it.

"I love you, too." George replied and hesitated before he hung up. She waited until he had turned his phone off before she did hers. She bit her trembling lip and blinked her eyes which were threatening to fill with tears. She couldn't cry when she was driving, not again. It had proved to be deadly the last time.

xooooooox

Julianna and Alex were sitting at the table in Alex's kitchen. McKenzie was playing beside them on the floor.

"Why are you here?" Alex asked.

"I haven't seen you and Kenz in awhile. And I thought I'd go visit Dad." Julianna said.

"Okay, I believe that. But what are you really doing here?" Alex asked. Julianna hung her head, studying her hands which were on the table. "Jules, you know you can come to me for anything you need. But if you need something, I have to know what that is, so I can help you. Tell me why you're really here." Julianna bit her bottom lip softly. "Are you fighting with George?" Alex asked.

"Ever since the..." She paused..,"Second miscarriage, I've been thinking." Julianna said. Alex sat back in her seat, listening intently now that she finally got her sister to talk. "I don't know if I want to have children anymore." Alex's brows drew together. "There's two different scenarios. One is that I'll be so excited about being pregnant and embrace it fully from the beginning, like I did last time. Or the other is that I'll be apprehensive and unsure about having the baby, like the first time. Either way, I lose. I don't think I could lose another baby."

"You might not. You never know." Alex said.

"But I might too." Julianna replied.

"So you came here because you wanted to get away from George?" Alex asked.

"He was trying to talk to me about trying again. I didn't want to do it."

"So you left so you wouldn't have to talk about it and he wouldn't try to impregnate you?" Julianna bent her head again. Alex bent down and picked her daughter up off the floor. McKenzie looked at her aunt and chewed on a toy horse.

"Do you see this little girl?" Alex asked, waiting for Julianna to reply. She nodded. "She was an accident, completely. And it just so happens I was apprehensive about having a baby from the beginning, but I still love her. Her father was a jerk, who decided not to stick around when I told him I was keeping her and would not get an abortion.

"I can see it in you that you want a baby, more than you want anything, than you've ever wanted anything. You have a wonderful boyfriend at home that is willing to make a child with you and take care of it. He's willing to support it and help you through everything. I didn't have all that. Just because of two miscarriages, you can't stop trying. No, I don't know what it's like to lose a baby the way you did, but I do know it's painful for you. But I know that deep inside you is that maternal instinct that's begging to be let out. What you need to do is talk to George about your fears, let him help you. You can come to me whenever you need, but he's the one you should be talking to now." Julianna stared at her sister and wiped her hand across her face.

"Joo!" McKenzie reached out for her aunt, her hands sticky with baby slobber. Julianna grinned through her tears and reached out, taking the baby from her sister. McKenzie patted Julianna's wet cheeks with her sticky hands and Julianna giggled before hugging the baby tight to her chest and smiling at her sister. Alex grinned in return.

"Call him." She said. Julianna nodded and Alex took McKenzie back onto her lap.

"Hey little girl, it's time for a bath!" Alex said, tickling McKenzie as she walked away. The little girl squealed and giggled, trying to squirm away from her mother. Julianna smiled and wiped her face before picking up the phone. She dialed their home number and waited as it rang. The answering machine picked up. She shrugged her shoulders and hung up before dialing George's cell phone number. She waited until his voice mail picked up. She hung up. Where was he?

xooooooox

George sat on a plane, headed for New York. He knew that Julianna had lied to him. Alex wasn't sick, he knew, because he could tell when Julianna lied. She wasn't very good at it. He knew why she was visiting Alex and he needed to talk to her. He couldn't let it all hang in the air like this. He had to talk to her before she got upset or angry or something.

xooooooox

Alex was in the kitchen, fixing McKenzie a bottle. Julianna was walking out of the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

"Can you get that?" Alex asked.

"Sure." Julianna said and turned, moving towards the door. She opened it a crack, then all the way when she saw George standing on the stoop.

"Hey." He said softly. She motioned him inside and closed the door behind him before she let herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in his hair, as she snuggled against him.

"I'm sorry, George." She murmured.

"Who is it?" Alex asked, coming into the hallway with McKenzie on her hip. "Oh." She smiled and turned, heading towards the living room. Julianna pulled her face away from his shoulder and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, George." She said again. His hands traveled up to her face.

"It's okay." He replied and pressed his lips to hers gently. She sighed and closed her eyes briefly.

"We need to talk." She said.

"Later." He said. He knew it could wait a little longer now. He took her hand and headed to the living room. "Where is the little booger?" George asked, coming into the living room. McKenzie was standing on the couch, holding on to the back of it as she grinned at George. Alex grinned, looking at her daughter. "I'm gonna get you." George said, letting go of Julianna's hand and heading towards the little girl. Julianna sat beside her sister on the couch.

"No!" McKenzie exclaimed, giggling as she pressed herself into the couch.

"Hey Alex." George said, smiling briefly at her before he turned back to the little girl.

"No Orge, no!" She giggled and dropped her bottle on the couch. Alex reached over and picked it up as George swung McKenzie into the air. She squealed and he blew a raspberry on her tummy.

"He'll make a wonderful Daddy." Alex murmured into her younger sister's ear. Julianna smiled and leaned her head against her sister's as they watched George play with McKenzie.

xooooooox

George waited until Julianna slid into the bed beside him. They were in the spare bedroom of Alex's flat, spending the night. He didn't say anything, wanting her to be the first to talk. He reached out, tracing his finger down her cheek.

"George, I'm sorry I lied to you." He smiled gently.

"You're not very good at lying. I knew you were." He said. She smiled and brought her hand up, touching his wrist.

"I didn't want to lie to you. It's just that..." She closed her eyes briefly. "I was scared, George. Thank God I did come here though, Alex is a great sister. But she also knew that I really needed to talk to you, not her." She paused. "I'm scared out of my mind, George. I don't think I'd be able to survive if I lost another baby. But Alex also knows that I want children, so badly. And she reminded me that the only way I can get those children is to take that chance. And to take it with you." She sighed and pushed her face into the hand that was cupping her cheek. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch this morning." He smiled and brushed his lips against her forehead.

"Don't worry about it." He said. She touched his hand.

"George, I don't want to lose you." She said, tears swimming to her eyes. He drew her closer and smiled.

"What are you talking about? You're not going to lose me. Ever." He said. She rested her head into the crook of his shoulder.

"Promise?" She murmured.

"I promise." He replied.

"I love you, George." She murmured, nearly asleep.

"I love you, too, sweetheart." He said, kissing her gently as he cuddled her closer.

xooooooox

Julianna sighed as she felt George enter her. She gazed into his eyes and saw in that one look, her whole future in front of her. Never before had she felt so centered in someone's life. Even if they didn't conceive a baby now, she knew it would eventually happen.

She shivered as waves of pleasure rippled through her body. George took her hands into his, twining his fingers through hers. She looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back and pressed his lips to hers, both of them knowing life was going to be okay in that one exchange of passion.

xooooooox

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