This story is my version of "Sharp Relief".
o--------o--------o
Doug walks out of the house, after pulling his coat on and shutting the door. He walks quickly away from the house, hoping Carol would not follow him. He needs his time alone. He turns his head quickly making sure she's not coming and walks to the El Tracks. He gets on the first train that comes, not caring where it takes him.
How...how could she do that? Is she just trying to show me everything that I put her through? Because if so, it worked. God Carol, why...why did you do that? I was going to marry you tonight. If you were scared you should have told me before....before all of this.
The train pulls to a stop and Doug gets off, recognizing the part of town he is in. He starts walking towards the lake with his hands deep in his pockets and his head down, watching the ground as he passes it.
Was she doing this to cause me pain? Is it over for us? I need her in my life. Oh god...
Doug looks up and checks out his surroundings. He sees a bench out in front of the lake that is empty and he walks towards it. He sits down but keeps his head down, studying his legs. He looks up and watches the waves lap slowly against the shore as he is deep in thought.
o--------o--------o
After Doug leaves Carol thinks about following him, but figures he needs his time alone to think this through. She sits down on the couch and curls her legs up underneath her. She stares into the fire before her tears overcome her and she breaks down.
"How could you be so stupid?" Carol wails out to herself. She curls her knees up to her chest
and buries her face into her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs. She sobs deeply as she thinks about everything that happened that night. After Greg had kissed her she had sat there uncomfortably. He could tell something was wrong.
**********FLASHBACK**********
"Carol?" Greg asks. She looks up at him uncertainly but doesn't answer him. "What's wrong?" Greg asks.
"I'm...I uh...I'm engaged." Carol says quietly looking back down at her hands. He groans.
"Oh god Carol! I'm so sorry!" Greg says. She looks up and smiles weakly.
"It's not your fault. It's mine too." Carol says.
"I didn't know." Greg says. She looks up and shakes her head briefly.
"And that's exactly why it's my fault, because I didn't tell you." Carol says. She smiles weakly at him.
"Well..I'm sorry." Greg says.
"Just forget about it." Carol says.
**********END FLASHBACK**********
She sighs and rubs her eyes frantically. She stands up and wraps her arms around herself. She turns off all the lights but leaves the fire burning. She walks into her and Doug's room. She looks at herself in the mirror and sighs at her face. She walks into the bathroom and starts to take off her make-up. She looks at all of Doug's stuff beside hers on the counter and her eyes well up with tears again. She walks quickly out of the restroom and into her own room. She starts to take off her
clothes, to get into her pajamas.
When she is done changing, Carol walks to the window and stands beside it for a long time. It has started to snow and she thinks about Doug alone out there in the cold.
Or maybe he's not even cold. Maybe he's in a bar, drinking. Oh god. No..Carol no, he wouldn't go do that again......Oh god Carol, he's probably out drinking and your the reason.
Tears start to pour down her face and she wipes them away roughly. She moans out loud in frustration and slaps the wall. She doesn't even feel the stinging. She stands and watches the snow get heavier outside the window for about an hour.
She sighs loudly and walks to the bathroom. She gets the cup beside the sink and fills it with water. She brings it to her lips but it slips out of her hand and falls onto the floor with a loud clatter. She sighs and reaches over for a towel. She steps back and when she bends over she slips on the water. She smacks her forehead onto the counter and falls to the floor with a thud. She feels the blood trickling down between her eyes.
"Doug." She whispers and blacks out.
o--------o--------o
Doug sighs and walks up the porch steps. He notices the light on in their room and he sighs loudly but pushes his way into the house. He goes into the semi-dark living room to see the fire, almost burnt out. He crouches down and pokes it with one of the poles they have. He is slightly surprised when she doesn't come out into the living room. He figures she must be asleep. He decides to go check. He walks slowly to their room but is surprised when he sees the bed hasn't been slept in and she's no where around. He sees the light on in the bathroom and steps out so he can look straight into the bathroom. He sees her foot.
Oh god.
Doug's heart falls to his feet and he rushes into the bathroom. He sees her sprawled out on the floor in a weird angle.
Carol.
He sees the cup and the water on the floor and instantly realizes what has happened. He bends down beside her, studying the gash on her forehead.
"Carol? Are you awake Carol?" Doug asks, shaking her shoulder slightly. She doesn't move. He checks her pulse. It's very weak. He grabs the towel off the side and presses it to her forehead, which is still bleeding.
"Carol?" He asks, once more just to make sure she's not awake. He gathers her into his arms, making sure not to slip himself on the water. He carries her clumsily to the jeep, trying to keep the towel on her head. He opens the front car door and puts her inside. He buckles up her belt and then runs around to his side of the car. He opens up his cell phone, holding onto the towel with his other hand.
"Emergency Room." Randi's voice says through the phone.
"Randi, it's Doug. Get Mark for me now! Please!" Doug says.
"Sure Dr. Ross." Randi says. "Dr. Greene! Dr. Greene, Dr. Ross is on the phone and he needs you now!" Randi says. A few seconds later the phone is passed to Mark.
"Hey Doug. What now?" Mark asks.
"Mark...I'll explain everything to you later but I'm bringing Carol in. She hit her head on the bathroom counter and she's bleeding and out cold. I want you to look at her when I bring her in okay? Don't ask questions now, I'll tell you later. I'm just now leaving. See ya Mark." Doug says and hangs up. Mark stares at the phone with a puzzled look on his face but he comes around.
"Randi, where is Dr. Weaver?" Mark asks.
"I think Exam 2." Randi says.
"Thanks." Mark says and nods, walking to Exam 2. Just then Kerry comes out. Mark grabs her arm. "Kerry. I need to talk to you." Mark says. She nods as he pulls her aside.
"Kerry...Doug's bringing Carol in. She hit her head and she's out cold. I need you to take care of my patients for me okay? He doesn't want everyone to see her coming in, so I'm going to bring her into the side entrance okay?" Mark asks.
"What happened?" Kerry asks.
"I don't know. Doug just called and told me that. So...will you please take care of my patients?" Mark asks.
"Sure." Kerry says.
"I'll fill you in later." Mark says. She nods and he walks off to wait in the ambulance bay for Doug.
Doug pulls up and Mark runs to him as he gets out of the car.
"Let's take her in the side entrance. Kerry's taking care of my patients for me and I figure she doesn't need everyone to see her." Mark says. Doug nods.
"Thanks." He says and runs to Carol's side of the jeep.
o--------o--------o
Mark pulls Doug aside in Carol's room.
"Now you care to tell me what happened?" Mark asks. Doug looks down and sighs.
"I..Mark...I cannot believe this." Doug says.
"Believe what?" Mark asks. Doug looks up at him.
"She can home at about 1." Doug starts, but pauses.
"Where was she?" Mark asks. Doug shakes his head and looks at Carol laying peacefully on the bed.
"She was with Greg Powell...the paramedic she went on the ride with." Doug says. Mark's mouth drops open.
"Did they..." Mark's voice trails off.
"She said that they had a hard day and it was just one of those things when you start talking to someone you hardly know and end up telling them things. She said it got 'intense' and that she kissed him." Doug says and looks down painfully.
"She kissed Powell?" Mark asks.
"I guess. That's what she said." Doug says.
"Did they do anything else?" Mark asks.
"She said they didn't...but I don't know if I believe her Mark. She was gone for 8 hours. What am I supposed to think?" Doug asks, pausing. "I mean, I trusted her Mark, and I know I should trust her if that's what she said....but Mark...I trusted her not to go kiss another guy and she did....so I don't know what to believe." Doug says. Mark looks at him sadly.
"I think...that right now, you don't have to trust her." Mark says. Doug shakes his head.
"Then I came home and our bedroom light was on but when I went in, she wasn't there. I
looked straight into the bathroom and I saw her foot. When I went in, she was bleeding from her forehead and there was water all over the floor along with a cup. She must have dropped her cup and slipped when she went to wipe it up because she was holding onto a towel. I have no idea how long she was laying there." Doug says, looking back over at Carol.
"It's okay Doug. Everything will turn out." Mark says.
"Mark...what if....what if something is wrong with her...or.....if she has some permanent damage?" Doug asks.
"Doug, there's a very slim chance that anything is wrong. Now that we gave her some blood, that will be okay...she didn't hit her head to hard, so she shouldn't have any damage and we sent her x-rays up. She'll be fine." Mark says. Doug doesn't look convinced.
"If something happens to her Mark, I won't be able to forgive myself." Doug says.
"What do you mean? Forgive yourself for what?" Mark asks.
"For not staying and listening to her. For letting her get hurt. For fighting with her. I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for it all." Doug says. Mark looks at him in disbelief.
"Doug...let's say you HAD been there? You couldn't have prevented her from slipping. And for leaving, I understand you completely for that. You were going to elope with her tonight and she kissed another guy. I don't think I would have stuck around to listen either." Mark says.
"Yeah...maybe your right...but I'll never forget myself for letting her get hurt while I was out walking around, feeling sorry for myself." Doug says.
"And she is the one that made you feel sorry for yourself. She caused this pain, don't take the blame for this Doug. You take the blame for everything you do at this hospital and everything outside, when you know you have something to do with it. If you get in trouble, you ride out the consequences....you shouldn't blame yourself for this. Let her blame herself for it." Mark says. Doug just sighs.
"She told me she's not ready to get married yet. I told her I am. None of this would ever have happened if I hadn't pressured her. She's not ready but I pushed her. That's the reason she kissed him. It is my fault." Doug says. Mark sighs.
"Nothing I can say or do will change that, but I will tell you, none of this is your fault." Mark says. Doug just looks up at Mark with a non-believing look in his eyes.
"I wish I could believe you." Doug whispers.
"Ughh.." We hear a soft moan coming from the bed and Doug and Mark look over quickly. Mark walks over to Carol but Doug stays where he is and just looks at Carol. She hasn't spotted him yet.
"What happened?" Carol asks coarsely.
"I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me." Mark says smiling lightly. She closes her eyes briefly and groans.
"I dropped my cup of water and slipped and hit my head." Carol says and brings her hand slowly up to her head to feel the bandage Mark had put there.
"Yeah, you cut it pretty bad. We're not sure how long you laid there bleeding, but we gave you some blood and you should be fine. How do you feel?" Mark asks.
"Like an elephant stomped on my head." Carol says, closing her eyes.
"Do you want some morphine or something?" Mark asks. Carol doesn't answer but she opens her eyes and looks at him sadly.
"Mark...where's Doug?" Carol asks slowly. Mark glances up quickly at Doug who is shaking his head but Carol doesn't see this.
"He..uh..he is at the cafeteria." Mark says.
"Did he bring me in?" Carol asks. Mark nods.
"Yeah." Mark says. Doug slowly slips out the door, closing it silently behind him. Carol doesn't hear it.
"Oh god. Did he tell you..." Carol asks her voice trailing off. Mark nods.
"Yes." He says quietly. Carol gives him a painful look.
"I...Mark...I love him so much. I don't know how to make him understand what happened. I'm just scared...and I was overwhelmed with everything. I figured out why he wanted to meet me at Deerbourne and Clark and I just flipped out. So when Greg talked to me, I just told him things. Then he kissed me and I told him I was engaged. He apologized and we kept talking later, but I knew Doug would be so hurt and.......I don't know how to tell him what I'm feeling. I'm so scared that he hates me now." Carol says, tears coming to her eyes. Mark pats her hand.
"Doug told me that you kissed Greg and you tell me that he kissed you. Which was it?" Mark asks.
"He kissed me....but....I was there.....it doesn't matter. I still kissed someone other than Doug." Carol says.
"But...you didn't make the move did you?" Mark asks. She shakes her head sadly. "I think you need to tell Doug that." Mark says.
"It won't matter. It still happened. I don't know what to do Mark." Carol says.
"Talk to him. Explain things to him. Tell him you need time. He loves you Carol and if he knows that you still really love him then he will give you the time you need and he will wait for you. Just talk to him." Mark says.
"I dont know what to say." Carol says.
"Tell him what you told me. About being scared and overwhelmed. Tell him Greg made the move. Just talk to him Carol. He needs reassurance that you still love him. He might not understand but he'll give you time." Mark says. She smiles.
"Thanks Mark. I'll try to think of something to say." Carol says.
"When I see him, do you want me to tell him you want to see him?" Mark asks.
"Well..I'm sure he'll want to know if I'm awake.....and if I'm awake, he'll probably want to come in, so go ahead." Carol says. He smiles and pats her shoulder.
"It will turn out okay in the end Carol. Give it time." Mark says. She smiles and nods.
"Thanks." She whispers. He nods and walks out of the room. He spots Doug sitting outside the room.
"Mark." Doug says, standing. Mark smiles weakly.
"I think she needs to talk to you...but I think you need to let her think things through and get some things straight in her mind before you go in." Mark says. Doug smiles weakly.
"What did she say?" Doug asks.
"I'll tell you that she does love you Doug. Very much...she just needs to get things straight and talk to you...but you have to let her talk.....explain herself. I'm not going to tell you what she told me, it'll be better coming from her...but...just listen and try to understand when you do talk to her." Mark says. Doug nods.
"Thanks Mark. I think I'll just go for a walk....and when I get back I'll talk to her. That way I can get things straight in my mind." Doug says. Mark nods.
"Alright buddy. It'll turn out okay." Mark says. Doug nods.
"I hope you're right." He says and turns and leaves.
o--------o--------o
Doug looks into the window of Carol's room. She has her head turned away from the door and she seems to be watching her monitors. He sighs and walks into her room. She turns her head and smiles shyly at him. He smiles weakly at her as he comes up beside her bed.
"Hey." He says softly.
"Hi." She answers.
"How do you feel?" Doug asks.
"Not too bad." Carol says. He nods.
"I'm sorry I wasn't in here earlier...but Mark told me that you needed to think about some things and so I went for a walk to think about things myself." Doug says. Carol nods and looks down.
"Doug...." She sighs. "I never wanted to hurt you." Carol says, waiting for his reply but he doesn't say anything. Just waits for her to talk. "When I was trying to figure out what your surprise was, I knew that the marriage place is on that street...and I flipped out. I started to think...and when Powell and I were waiting for the rap victim's cat to come out from it's hiding spot he started talking. He said when he was nine years old his mom hung herself. He was the one that found her and he said that she had only thought of herself when she had killed herself and I just sort of blurted out that I had thought of everyone but myself when I tried to kill myself. He apologized and he asked me what I was thinking. I told him I thought it was cold and that I hoped that cat would come out soon. He said he was not thinking about the cold and that the cat would come out when she was ready. He said he was thinking that if he looked at me for one more second he would have to kiss me." Carol looks up and Doug hasn't moved a muscle, except to blink. "So he did. When I pulled away he asked me what was wrong and I told him I was engaged. He apologized and then we went out for coffee and talked some more about our lives. I told him about our engagement and how I felt and he told me to talk to you. When I left later I just went walking...I had to think. Doug...I love you more than anything in this whole world but I am scared." Carol says and looks at him. His face has softened slightly.
"Of what?" He asks softly.
"I've been through this whole marriage thing with Tag...and then he left me at the alter. Ever since then, I've had a fear of that. I know you wouldn't ever do that to me...but it's still there, in the back of my mind. And I know that I shouldn't be talking....but I'm still scared of what you could do. You cheated before and I know in my heart that you have changed and wouldn't cheat on me. But deep down in my heart I still have that fear. Then I go out and do the exact same thing.......which ....just makes everything so much worse. You didn't deserve that Doug. But I still have that fear that you will do it again. Or that you will leave.......or that I'll lose you completely. I just..I'm so scared of what could happen and I'm so insecure over things like that. I hate having to put you through all this, but it's what I feel and I can't help it. I know you don't understand why I did it but.....I just....I'm scared and I need time." Carol says. He takes her hand in his.
"Then time is what I'll give you Carol." Doug says. She smiles weakly.
"I don't know how you forgive so easily." Carol says.
"Carol...you hurt me. I wish you would have just told me how you felt. But it's been done now and we can't take that back. So I just let it go. I can understand that you can't forgive me. I did much worse, I guess I deserved what you did but I..." Doug says but Carol cuts him off.
"You did not deserve that!" Carol says as tears come to her eyes.
"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. But it's happened and I cannot change it. I will give you all the time you need.....and I...I still trust you Carol. You didn't kiss him.....but...I am still hurt and I need some time myself to think about all this." He smiles slightly. "I love you Carol and I can't lose you over this. I'll wait forever for you." Doug says. She smiles and squeezes his hand.
"Thank you, Doug." Carol says. He nods.
"Mark said you can be released in the morning. I'm going to go home and I'll be back in the morning to get you since we both have the day off. Okay?" Doug asks. She nods.
"Okay." She says. He leans in and kisses her cheek.
"I love you, Carol." He says and squeezes her hand.
"I love you too, Doug." Carol says as he leaves.
"Did you talk to her?" Mark asks as he passes Doug in the hall.
"Yes." Doug says.
"How did it go?" Mark asks.
"Good. She might need someone to talk to if you would be willing to listen. I'm going to go home tonight and come back and get her in the morning. So I'll see you then." Doug says and walks away. Mark gives him a puzzled look but shrugs and goes into Carol's room.
"Hey Carol." He says softly.
"Hey Mark." She says. He comes up beside her bed pulling a stool up to sit on.
"Are you okay?" Mark asks. Carol nods.
"Yeah. I'm fine." She says and pauses. Mark feels she's not done yet so he stays silent. "He...he said he still trusts me, but I could see in his eyes that he really doesn't. I hate knowing that I took that trust away with my own hands." Carol said sadly.
"Well...Carol it'll take him a little bit of time to get used to. I'm sure deep down that he trusts you but that outer layer of trust was broken today. He's just sad and needs his time to think." Mark says.
"And I hate knowing that I am the one causing that sadness and pain!" Carol says her arms coming up in the air for emphasis. Mark smiles.
"It'll be okay in the end Carol. Just give it time. That's what you want, isn't it? Now, that's what he needs. So just don't rush him into forgiving you. He'll do it all in his own time." Mark says. She nods sadly.
"I know. Thank you Mark." Carol says.
"For what?" Mark asks.
"For being here for me to talk to and giving me advice. Your like the big brother I never had." Carol says. He smiles.
"Thank YOU for saying that." Mark says. She smiles as he stands up. "Well I have to get back to work...you should try and get some sleep." Mark says. She smiles and nods. He leaves the room but she cannot go to sleep. After about a half an hour of trying, she picks up the phone and dials her home number.
"Hello?" Doug asks.
"Did I wake you?" Carol asks.
"No, Carol, I wasn't asleep. Is something wrong?" Doug asks.
"No..no...I just.......I need to tell you some things." Carol says.
"Oh..." He says, getting a sick feeling in his stomach.
"Doug..I love you more than life itself and I know that you really don't trust me anymore. I feel so awful, being the person who took the trust away. I feel awful being the one that took it away from you. I know that you can't trust me right now Doug....but....I would never, ever do anything that would hurt you, on purpose." Carol says.
"You don't have to explain, Carol." Doug says.
"Yes, I do. Right before Greg kissed me, he gave me a warning that he was going to do it but I didn't argue. That's why I feel so bad. I am the one that pulled away, but not until after he kissed me. So....it's my fault. But I know....that if he had tried anything else..I wouldn't have done anything willingly. As soon as he kissed me, I realized his lips weren't yours and I felt awful. I felt awful because I didn't want to kiss anyone but you. I felt awful because I knew I had betrayed you. I am in love with you Doug and I never meant to cause you pain." Carol says.
"Carol....I understand....Right now I am blaming myself," He starts but Carol cuts him off.
"Why?" She asks.
"Because I feel like I was pushing you..into marrying me. I feel that if I had taken things slowly that you would have tried to stop Greg. Or that you even would have been home already, you just didn't want to go to Deerbourne and Clark and face me so you didn't come home." Doug says.
"I just...I'm not ready. I already planned the whole wedding thing and it was a disaster." Carol says.
"I know. And I should have realized it. I just wish you would have told me how you felt." Doug says.
"I know, I should have but I was scared." Carol says.
"Of what?" Doug asks.
"I don't know. Scared that maybe you wouldn't really listen and go ahead and plan anyway. Or that you would be mad at me and something like this would happen. And it did happen, only I was the cause of it. I'm so stupid Doug." Carol says with frustration in her voice.
"Carol....no you are not. Don't ever think you are stupid. You were just confused and scared." Doug says.
"But I shouldn't be that either." Carol says.
"Carol you can't help the way you feel and I can't help the way I feel. That's how I know, that no matter what happens during all this, I will always love you." Doug says.
"Oh, Doug. I will always love you too." Carol says with tears in her eyes. Doug chuckles.
"I didn't mean to make you cry." Doug says.
"It's okay, it's happy tears." Carol says. He chuckles lightly. "So are we okay?" She asks.
"We're okay. We still need to talk but it'll all turn out good in the end." Doug says.
"Well....I better go get some rest.....I'll see you in the morning. I love you Doug." Carol says.
"I love you too Carol. Sweet dreams." He says and hangs up. She hangs up with a smile on her face and falls asleep almost instantly.
o--------o--------o
Carol awakens the next morning and turns her head to the side to look right into the face of Doug. She smiles at him.
"Good morning sunshine!" Doug says reaching for her hand.
"Hey...how long have you been here?" Carol asks.
"About half an hour." Doug answers.
"Why didn't you wake me?" Carol asks.
"Because you look so peaceful when you sleep." Doug says. He smiles at her. She sits up and rubs her eyes with her free hand. She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and Mark walks in.
"I see your awake." Mark says. She nods and smiles.
"Yeah. And ready to go." Carol says.
"Your clothes are in that bag over there. Just let me take out your IV and then you can go." Mark says walking over to her. He removes her IV.
"Thanks Mark." Carol says. He nods.
"Go ahead and get dressed and I'll be just outside." Mark says. She nods as he leaves.
"I brought you some fresh clothes." Doug says handing her a plastic bag with her clothes in it.
"Well that's a relief!" Carol says. He chuckles. She reaches into the bag and pulls out a pair of jeans. She bends down and pulls them up over her hips. He sits and watches. She smiles shyly at him. She reaches around and unties her gown, as it flutters to the floor, leaving her standing in her bra and jeans. Doug chuckles and she blushes. She pulls her shirt over her head and picks up the gown. She throws the bag into the trashcan and picks up her other bag of clothes.
"Ready?" Doug asks.
"Yup." She says. He smiles and they walk out into the hall.
"Thanks Mark." Carol says again.
"No problem Carol." Mark says. Doug nods at Mark appreciatively.
"Okay, well let's go." Doug says and takes Carol out the back entrance that they came in.
"I'm hungry!" Carol announces. He chuckles.
"Want to get something for breakfast?" Doug asks. She nods.
"Yeah, let's go to McDonald's." Carol says. Doug chuckles.
"McDonald's?" He asks.
"Yes. They have the best breakfast sandwiches!" Carol says. He laughs.
"If you say so. Let's go." He says as they get into his jeep.
o--------o--------o