April 3-7, 01.
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"George, I heard stories about the two of you being perfect and talking about children and more pigs!" Julianna exclaims, teasing him with a smile upon her face. George smiles grimly.
"Key word: stories. Secondly, I didn't realize when I met her how big of a mouth she had." He says. Julianna shakes her head.
"George, you're forty years old. When are you going to get your act together and settle down?" She asks, half teasing, half not.
"I wish to God everyone would stop asking me when I am going to settle down. There's nothing wrong with being forty and being unmarried!" George exclaims, annoyed with her and the rest of the world.
"George, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She says softly. He shakes his head.
"I shouldn't lash out at you, I know. It's just that when people tell me that I need to settle down, it really gets on my nerves. Not really even because people think I should settle down, it's not even that. Since when do I ever do anything people tell me to do?" George mutters, more to himself then to Julianna. He realizes immediately that he has said too much.
"Then why do you get so upset?" She asks, expectedly curious. He sighs.
"Maybe because the person I want to settle down with hasn't expressed any interest in me." George says. Julianna raises her eyebrows.
"Let me get this straight....You want to settle down, but the woman you've picked hasn't expressed any interest in you. Have you talked to her about it? Maybe she feels the same way but she hasn't taken the hint." Julianna suggests. George shakes his head.
"No, she doesn't have an interest. Believe me, I know. And no, I have not talked to her about it." George says. Julianna shrugs.
"Do I know who this woman is, anyway?" Julianna asks, naturally curious once more.
"Yes, you do." George says.
"George, maybe I know if she has an interest in you or not! Who is it?" Julianna asks.
"If you knew someone was interested in me, you would have told me. You always do." George says. Julianna nods.
"Yeah, well, maybe she's good at keeping her interests hidden. You should talk to her." Julianna says. George shrugs.
"I am." He says. Julianna's eyebrows crinkle together.
"What are you talking about?" She asks.
"I am talking to her about it." George says, looking away. "I'm talking to you about it."
"Me?" She asks. He looks at her.
"Is that such a surprise?" George asks, raising his eyebrows. She stands there, staring at him, dumbfounded. "I guess so." He says softly. He turns on his heels and begins pacing. "Look, I know there's Ron to figure into all this and I know that I have no chance with you, but I was going to die of frustration if you didn't know." George turns to face her. She is still standing there, staring at him, shocked.
"I don't want to be in love with someone who is already taken! I don't want to be in love with my best friend! But I can't help something that I have no control over. Sure, I could stand here and pretend I feel nothing out of the ordinary for you, but I know that's not true, and you know I am not one to keep things to myself. And I've kept this to myself for years!" He exclaims. He sighs, his voice softening.
"I'm sorry if this screws everything up for you and our friendship. I completely understand if you don't want to see me anymore as friends or more, but you had to know. I had to tell you." George shakes his head, frustrated with his inability to put things into words.
"George, I, I don't know what to say." Julianna says, taking advantage of his short silence.
"I know you don't. I don't expect you to. It's just.....at least you know. Now, whenever you are around, I won't feel like I'm being untruthful to you. I just...............I'm sorry, Jules." George says and turns on his heels to head to the kitchen but is stopped with Julianna's words.
"Why are you sorry?" She asks. He doesn't turn to face her.
"Because I know that you are still with Ron and will stay with Ron. I'm sorry for putting you in this position." He turns and gazes into her eyes. "And I'm sorry the circumstances aren't different, so I wouldn't have to feel like this." He finishes and turns around once more, walking into the kitchen. She looks after him, looking even after he has disappeared behind the walls. Finally she walks towards the door, putting her coat on and throwing her purse over her shoulder, moving in slow motion. She walks out the door and closes it behind her.
In the kitchen, George was waiting for the sound of the door close. Once he heard it, he slumped against the counter. His forehead leaning against the cool surface. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists tightly.
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Julianna walked into her house and Ron greeted her cheerfully.
"Hey Jules!" Ron says. She smiles and waits until he kisses her in welcoming.
"Hey Ron." Julianna replies.
"Did you bug the hell outta George?" Ron asks, grinning. Julianna smiles fakely.
"Yeah, pretty much. He was getting annoyed with me, I think!" She exclaims, pretending to be okay with everything. "I'm going to head up to take a shower." Julianna says.
"Right now?" Ron asks, thinking it was unusual for her to take a shower in the middle of the afternoon. She nods.
"Yeah, I uh, I feel the need to clean myself." Julianna says, smiling widely. She actually wants to be alone and knows Ron will be around her under other circumstances. He chuckles, evidently not noticing anything is wrong.
"Alright then. Go on up. I'll be waiting." Ron says. She grins and heads up the stairs, surprised he didn't suggest taking a shower together. Once in the bathroom she slumps against the door, sighing. She pushes herself up, locking the door, then turning the water onto hot in the shower before undressing quickly. She pulls her hair down, running her fingers through it. Then she opens the shower door, letting the steam envelope her. She turned the water's temperature down so the heat was tolerable, and she stepped in, her face turned towards the shower nozzle.
She sighed and moved her arms forward, pushing them against the wall as she held herself up. She began crying, softly at first, until it developed into harsher sobs. What was supposed to be a visit to George's to tease him about his breaking up with Lisa Snowdon, turned out to be something so much more.
Julianna had always had feelings for George. But she had never let herself dwell on them, never let them develop into something more. If only she had known he was interested in her a long time ago, before she and Ron got into a big 10 year relationship. This was serious stuff.
She had to admit that she wanted to leave Ron and see what would happen with George. But she knew that nothing was guaranteed with George and with Ron she had a solid, stable future, no matter how boring it got sometimes. If she left Ron now, she wouldn't be able to come back, she knew. And if things didn't work out with George, she would be left alone. And as much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, she hated the prospect of being alone.
She loved Ron, she knew, but she wasn't in love with him. She had been, maybe, at first when they had been at the beginning stages of a relationship, but that had faded quickly. If she gave George a chance, would they have that same sort of love she had with Ron...new, exciting, and happy at first, then normal, and bland as time wore on? Or would she fall madly in love with George and stay that way for her entire waking life? Should she keep that stable life with Ron, or the dangerous, unpredictable one with George? Ron or George? George or Ron?
Dear God, what was she going to do? She wrapped her arms around herself and let the tears fall, mixing in with the shower water.
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George walked into his house, shutting the door behind him. He threw his keys on the table inside the door and kicked off his shoes. He flipped his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair. He needed a haircut pretty soon. George walked into his kitchen, placing his hat on the table and looking on the desk to see the answering machine blinking. He pressed play and went to the refrigerator, taking out a beer. He listened as his mother's voice filled the room, telling him to call her. He took a swig from his beer, leaning against the counter.
George nearly choked on his beer when he heard the next voice. It was Julianna.
"George, it's Jules. I uh, we need to talk. Call me whenever you get back...Yeah, well, uh, bye." There was a pause and then she hung up the phone. George placed his beer down on the counter and walked to the machine, pressing the repeat button. He listened as her voice once more filled his kitchen before picking up the phone and dialing Julianna and Ron's number quickly.
"Hello?" Julianna's voice filled the phone.
"Hey Jules, uh, it's me." George says. Julianna pauses, she hadn't been expecting him to call back so soon.
"Oh, hey. So, did you get my message?" She asks, as if the answer isn't obvious.
"Oh, yeah, I just got home. So..." George's voice trails off.
"Look, we need to talk...or actually, I need to talk to you. Can I, uh, can I come over? Or are you busy? I can come over some other time." She finishes quickly.
"No, no. I'm not busy. Whenever you want to come is fine." George says.
"Is now okay?" Julianna asks. She probably wasn't prepared enough for the conversation she needed to have with him, but she had this urge to see him now.
"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Just head on over...I'm here." George says.
"Okay, great. I'll be there soon." Julianna says.
"See ya soon then."
"Yeah, bye." Julianna replies. The hang up, each staring down at the phones in their hands for seconds after the conversation.
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Soon enough Julianna finds herself entering George's house. He smiles at her nervously. She had never seen him nervous before, at least not because of her, anyway. She nearly smiled but didn't because she knew she was probably just as nervous as he was.
"Hey." She said.
"Hi." He says. She looks away from him.
"Here, take your coat off." George says. Julianna slips her arms out of her coat and then hands it to him. Never before had they been so...'neighborly' towards each other. They certainly weren't acting like they had been best friends for nearly seven years. After he put her coat up, the two of them headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch. "So.." George says, his voice trailing off. Julianna looks at him shyly, smiling.
"I've been thinking about what you told me the other day, obviously." Julianna says, looking down at her hands. George nodded, watching her. "And, as you said before, there is a lot to factor into all of this." Julianna continues. George looks down, nodding his head. "I just want to let you know where I stand with all this. I want, no, I need you to know how I feel about all of this, George. You were, you have been my best friend for seven years and after what you told me the other day, you deserve this from me at least." Julianna stands and begins walking around, her hands on her hips. "I don't know what to do, George." He looks at her, slightly confused.
"What do you mean?" He asks. She looks at him, chewing her bottom lip nervously.
"Okay, let me start this over...from the beginning." She says.
"Okay." He says slowly, waiting.
"I love Ron." She says simply. George lowers his eyes, looking away. "But..I'm not in love with him. I've never been in love with him the way I've seen other people in love. Like Tony and Jeanine. I've never had that with Ron and I never will." She sighs.
"I've always had feelings for you, George. Since I first met you, it's just been there. But......you never expressed any visible interest in me and I had Ron, so I didn't try to pursue anything with you. I never let my feelings for you become something serious, because I had no clue what you felt for me." George looks at her, surprised by her words. She didn't look at him as she continued pacing. "But, what I have with Ron is stable. I have a sure future with him. I know if I stayed with him, then I will stay with him the rest of my life, it's a sure thing, no doubts." George looks away once more.
"But I don't know if that is what I want." Julianna says. George looks up at her, his eyes expressing his surprise. She finally looks at him. "I know one thing....I don't want to be alone. I'm completely frightened by the prospect of being alone. And, if I stay with Ron, it's absolutely sure that I will never be alone. If I don't stay with Ron and I try to have a relationship with you, I don't know how it will work out. I don't know if we'll have the same sort of relationship that I have with Ron now, or at least that I had. It was wonderful at the beginning. It was new and exciting but it wore off. And now I'm somewhat bored and use to the relationship, which is not fair to Ron. But, there's also the possibility that you and I could have something special and it may never wear off. But if it does wear off and we end up not together anymore, then I will be alone. And that scares me." Julianna says.
"You're being unfair to me...and to Ron." Julianna looks at him sharply. That was not what she was expecting. "I understand where you are coming from in not wanting to be alone. It is pretty scary, but I'm use to it, I suppose. But you're not even giving me a chance, you're not even letting me prove myself worthy of your love. And you're dragging Ron along and you don't even really love him. You love what he has to offer you. That's unfair, Jules.
"I may not be able to offer you stability according to you, but I could sure as hell try. I should at least be allowed the chance to prove myself. You have no idea what would happen if you gave us a chance. You may think you know, but you don't." George stands and makes his way towards her. She looks at him, somewhat stunned by all of his words. He reaches up, brushing his hand along her cheek. "You are so unsure of everyone, Jules. You don't trust easily." George says. She looks down, away from him.
"I know, it's a flaw." She whispers. He lifts her chin with her finger, making her look him in the eye.
"Give me a chance. Or at least give Ron the chance to move on with his life. If you wait too long, you could hurt him." George says. Julianna blinks in surprise, never having thought of that. She steps away from George.
"I am ruining it for him, aren't I? Every second that I am with him, only half into the relationship, is cheating him." She states. George watches her as she realizes what she has been doing. "I have to tell him." Julianna says, heading for the door.
"Tell him what?" George asks. She looks back at him.
"That I can't be with him anymore." Julianna says, pulling her coat on.
"Will you come back?" George asks as she opens the door. She looks back at him and pauses, staring at him briefly.
"I'll be back." She whispers and closes the door. She hears him whoop out loud, happily and she grins to herself, jogging to her car.
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A few hours later, George heard a knock on his door. He ran quickly to the door, stopping and taking a deep breath before he opened the door. Julianna stood on the other side, a weak smile on her face.
"Hey." He said softly. Her smile widened slightly.
"Hi George." She says. He moves away from the doorway, letting her into the house. She steps in, taking her coat and shoes off and throwing them together lazily.
"Is everything okay?" George asks. She nods.
"Yeah, it's okay." Julianna says.
"So, did you tell him?" George asks. She nods.
"Yep." She says, standing in front of him, but a good three feet away.
"And?" He asks.
"He took it alright, I guess. He wasn't mad or anything, but he was...upset, I assume." She says. George nods.
"Are you okay with it? If you regret it, you could probably still go tell him you changed your mind." George says, worried about her attitude at the moment.
"No, I don't regret it. I just...y'know? It's gone. I actually did it. For good." Julianna says. George nods.
"Yeah....you did. I'm proud of you." George says. She looks at him, having been avoiding his gaze while they were talking.
"You are?" She asks, raising one eyebrow. He nods.
"Yes. You toughed it up and told him it was over, even though you were scared and unsure. But you knew you were misleading him."
"Thanks to you." Julianna says. George smiles and walks forward, touching her shoulders gently.
"You'll be okay, Jules." George says. She nods, looking at him.
"I know." She says then steps closer, moving into his embrace, taking that first step into their relationship. She rests her chin on his shoulder, letting her arms surround his waist tentatively. He smiles and wraps his arms around her gently, giving her room to pull away if she feels uncomfortable. "I'll be okay." She whispers, smiling weakly to herself. Julianna pulls her upper body away from him, meeting his gaze. "George." She murmurs.
"Hmm?" He asks, staring at her.
"I need something right now." She says.
"What?" He asks.
"You." She says. He grins and she smiles, leaning her forehead against his. "Will you.." She trails off.
"What?" He asks.
"Kiss me..." She whispers, her voice barely audible as she whispers her request. He grins.
"You don't need to ask." He says and leans forward slightly, brushing his lips against hers. Her body is still, feeling his warm lips as they linger on hers, not really kissing yet. She lets out a soft sigh and steps forward, her body falling against his and her mouth pressing to his. One of his hands move up to her face, cradling her cheek in his hand as he kisses her. She pulls away and her breath catches in her throat.
"Wow." She whispers. He chuckles softly.
"See." He murmurs, kissing her cheek gently.
"Again?" She asks. He smiles.
"Again." He whispers and presses his lips to hers once more.
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