Doug is in Seattle. Carol didn't have twins and instead she had a little boy in which she named Andrew James Ross. He is four months old and Doug has see him twice. Once when he was about 3 weeks old and another time when he was about 3 months old. Andrew is now 4 months old.
---------o---------
The telephone rings. Carol checks on Andrew in his swing then walks to the little cordless black phone. She picks it up, clicking the Talk button.
"Hello?" She asks.
"Hey Carol." Doug's voice greets her quietly on the other end of the phone.
"Oh, hey Doug." Carol says.
"How are you?" Doug asks.
"Good. I'm good." She says.
"And Andy?" He asks.
"He's fine. We're fine, Doug." She says. He smiles.
"That's great." Doug says.
"How are you, Doug?" She asks.
"I'm okay. Thanks for asking." He says.
"You should have seen Andrew earlier today." Carol says, giggling at the memory. Doug smiles through the phone.
"Why, what did he do?" He asks curiously. He wants to hear all about his son, even if all it does is make him ache more for Andrew and Carol.
"He has this new laugh. His face gets like all red and he sort of scrunches it all up and he like lets out this evil laugh. It's so funny." Carol says. Doug chuckles. They continue talking about Andrew, the only thing they seem to be able to talk about these days.
---------o---------
Mark was sitting in his apartment, watching TV and waiting for Elizabeth to get home from work, since she was coming over for dinner, when the phone rang. He sighed and stood up from the couch, picking up the phone.
"Hello?" He asks.
"Hey Mark." Doug says.
"Doug. Hey Buddy. How are ya?" Mark asks, pleased at the identity of his caller.
"Good. Good. I'm fine. How about you?" Doug asks.
"I'm great." Mark says.
"It's been awhile since we've talked." Doug says. Mark chuckles.
"Yeah it has been." Mark says.
"I'm sorry about that Bud. So how's Elizabeth?" Doug asks. Mark smiles at the mention of her name.
"She's great. She's coming over later to have dinner." Mark says.
"Are you busy? I can call later." Doug says.
"Nah, she's not here now and she's picking up something on the way home." Mark says.
"Oh, alright." Doug says.
"Yeah, so how's Seattle?" Mark asks.
"Boring and lonely as hell." Doug says. Mark chuckles.
"Yeah, so have you talked to Carol lately?" Mark asks.
"Just a few minutes ago. Look Mark...I need..a favor of sorts..well not actually..I just need to talk to someone before I explode." Doug says. Mark nods his head.
"Alright." Mark says. Doug sighs.
"I got a new job." Doug says.
"Where?!" Mark asks.
"In Chicago. At Mercy." Doug says. Mark gasps lightly.
"Here?" Mark asks. Doug chuckles.
"Yes. There." He says.
"Did you tell Carol?" Mark asks. Doug sighs.
"I was going to, when I called her..but..I couldn't. I don't know what she will say. So I decided to tell her...after I am already there, so she cannot change my mind." Doug says. Mark smiles.
"So..when are you supposed to come?" Mark asks.
"Well I quit my job yesterday and accepted the job a few days ago. I am going to leave here in two days. I already bought an apartment. It's in the same apartment building as my last one." Doug says. Mark nods against the phone.
"Well Doug, I cannot wait to see you Buddy. How long has it been since you were here, visiting Carol?" Mark asks.
"A month." Doug says.
"I think she'll be happy about this, Doug." Mark says.
"Mark, I dunno. She...she has spent 13 months without me. She hates me. I just..need to be around my son. I can't be away from Andrew, like I was...and am from my other son." Doug says. Mark sighs.
"She does not hate you Doug. Believe me when I say that. Everyday at work I can see it. If someone comes in that looks like you, she studies their face to make sure it's really not you. Or if someone says your name, her whole face changes..it's like..a small smile plays on her lips and her eyes sparkle. She still loves you Doug." Mark says.
"Maybe...but will she have me back?" Doug asks. Mark sighs, rubbing his hand across his eyes.
"I don't know Doug....no one knows. But I think she will, time will tell." Mark says.
"Mark. I don't have that much time! Life is too damned short to take time on things like that! I want to spend every moment of my life with her." Doug says.
"Tell her that." Mark says. Doug sighs.
"If only it were that easy." He says quietly.
"Doug....do you love her?" Mark asks.
"Yes." Doug says without hesitation.
"She loves you. I know you don't want to give it time, but it will all work out." Mark says. Doug sighs.
"I hope your right." He says.
"I know I am." Mark says, smiling. Doug smiles too.
"Thanks Mark. And don't tell anyone, not even Elizabeth about me coming." Doug says.
"Alright Bud. I'll talk to ya later then?" He asks.
"Yes. I'll see you. Bye Mark." Doug replies.
"Bye Doug." Mark says.
---------o---------
Doug walked into his new apartment, dropping his bags on the floor near the door. He sighed and walked around, studying the place. It already had furniture, he had bought it that way. He sighed and looked around once more before heading back out the door.
---------o---------
He pulled his jeep up in front of Mark's apartment building. He slowly got out of the car, wondering if he should knock on the door, barging into Mark's personal space. Doug hoped Elizabeth wasn't there, he didn't want to make a scene. He decided to risk it, he needed Mark's calm advice. He knocked quietly on the door, hearing Mark's reply to hold on from inside. A few seconds later the door opened.
"Doug!" Mark says, smiling. Doug smiles back.
"Is Elizabeth here?" Doug asks quietly.
"No. She's at work." Mark says. Doug smiles gratefully.
"Good. I just wanted to talk to you and...didn't want her to know I was here yet." Doug says. Mark nods.
"Come on in." Mark says. Doug walks in, closing the door behind him. "Does Carol know you're here?" Mark asks. Doug looks down, then shakes his head.
"Not yet. Mark..I'm scared of what she will say when I tell her." Doug says. Mark sighs.
"Don't worry about it." Mark says.
"Do you...should I call before I go?" Doug asks.
"What do you think you should do?" Mark asks.
"I don't know, that's why I am asking you." Doug says. Mark nods.
"I think you should call...just in case her mother is there or something. Didn't you always say you would let her know before you came over?" Mark says. Doug nods.
"Yeah...But I was supposed to give her a more advanced notice. I think I should have told her about me coming on the phone the other night." Doug says.
"Just call her. You're here now." Mark says. Doug nods.
"I think I will." Doug says. Mark nods.
"You can use my phone." Mark says. Doug nods, looking at his watch.
"It's 6. I think that should give me enough time to call her, go visit, talk for a little bit, then get back to my apartment at a reasonable time." Doug says. Mark nods.
"Call her." He says quietly. Doug nods. He picks up the phone, dialing Carol's number with great hesitation. She picks it up after the third ring.
"Hello?" She asks.
"Hey Carol." Doug says.
"Doug. Hey." Carol says, slightly surprised. He rarely called her twice a week...at least not when he knew she would be home.
"How are you and Andrew?" Doug asks.
"We're good." Carol says.
"Are you busy?" Doug asks. Carol pauses, slightly confused.
"Not really. Just watching TV with Andrew." She says. He smiles.
"Can I come over?" He asks. She gasps slightly.
"You're here?" She asks.
"I'm at Mark's." He says.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Carol asks.
"We need to talk. I came to see Mark for a few minutes and I decided I should call before I came over. To make sure you didn't have company or something." Doug says.
"No...I..sure. You can come over." Carol says. He smiles.
"Thanks Carol. I'll be there shortly...in about half hour." He says. She nods.
"Okay. See you soon, Doug." She says. He nods.
"Bye Carol." He says and hangs up. Mark smiles at him. Across town, Carol is throwing baby items into organized piles, trying to clean the place up. She runs upstairs, changing out of her sweats and putting a tad bit of make-up on. She runs back downstairs and tries to clean up more nicely, as she nervously awaits the talk Doug wants to have.
---------o---------
The doorbell rings. Carol picks Andrew up and walks to the door, opening it slowly. Doug stood, with his hands in his pockets and his head down, waiting. She smiles at him.
"Hey Doug." She says quietly. He smiles as she hands Andrew to him. He nuzzles the baby gently to his cheek, stepping into the house after Carol moved aside so he could come in.
"How's my boy?" He asks, kissing Andrew's cheek. The little boy smiled and Doug smiled back. He kissed Carol's forehead gently.
"Hey." He murmured softly, looking straight into her eyes. She smiled.
"Hi." She says. The gaze becomes too intense for her and she looks away. He sighs silently and swings Andrew above his head. The little boy giggles and Carol smiles.
"So...can we talk?" Doug asks, looking at Carol as he rested his son against his chest. Carol smiles.
"Sure." She replies. He smiles and she walks to the couch, sitting down. He follows right behind her. Andrew sticks his thumb into his mouth, looking at Carol as he rests against Doug.
"Well....I don't really know how to say this." Doug says. She just watches him intently. "You know how much I love Andrew," He says, pausing, then quieter, "and you. And...I've already let one of my sons grow up without me. I cannot do that to Andrew. I will not. I called around here...in Chicago, trying to find a job." Doug says. Carol eyes grow slightly wider. "Mercy hired me as their new ER pediatrician." Doug says. He waits for this to settle into Carol's mind.
"You're....you're moving back, here?" She asks.
"To Chicago. I got an apartment. It's in the same building as my old apartment." Doug says. She nods slowly, letting it all sink in. "Will you let me see Andy?" Doug asks. She smiles weakly, watching her son.
"It would be wrong of me to tell you no and....I want Andy to grow up knowing you. Yes. You can see him." Carol says. He smiles, relieved.
"Carol, you don't understand how much that means to me." He says. She smiles.
"Well..you're welcome." She says. He kisses the sleepy baby's head.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" He asks. She nods.
"Do you think I could watch him then? My first day isn't until Monday." Doug says. She hesitates slightly, but knowing he is Andy's father and is a pediatrician, she agrees.
"Yeah. Sure." She says. He smiles.
"Thank you Carol." He says. She smiles.
"No problem." She says. The baby is fighting sleep and the two parents are watching him.
"You know what I was thinking?" Doug asks.
"What's that?" Carol asks softly.
"I don't even know my other son's name. What if his name is Andrew..." Doug says. Carol gives him a slightly puzzled look. "That would be strange. If I didn't even name either of them, but both of their mothers chose that name. That would be a weird coincidence." Doug says. Carol smiles softly and pauses before asking the question.
"Do you ever think about finding him?" She asks. He sighs slightly.
"Not really. I mean..sure I've wondered what would happen if I did...but I know that I don't want that for him. He probably has another dad and I know his mother wouldn't have told him about me. I already screwed his life up and finding him would just make it worse. I may not even know him...but I love him and don't want that for him." Doug says, sadly. Carol smiles, raising her hand to his cheek, turning his head towards her.
"Doug..maybe finding him would be the right thing to do." Carol says. Doug smiles weakly at her but shakes his head.
"No..I don't think so. Carol..let's say you had told me about Andrew but I never tried to contact you or support either of you. Would you want me to walk back into your life or Andrew's thirteen years later?" Doug asks. She looks down quickly then back up at him. "Truthfully." He says. She smiles and shakes her head.
"No, probably not. But Doug..she is the one that didn't let you see your son. She let her parents hide the baby and her from you. It's not your fault." Carol says. He sighs.
"Maybe it is. I could have known my son, but Carol..I was so scared of being a father. I didn't think I could do it. I wasn't ready. If I had even tried a little bit to find her, I could have gotten to know my son. But I didn't even attempt it. So it is my fault." Doug says. Carol smiles weakly, nodding.
"Maybe, but Doug, you've got Andrew and you're a great father to him.." Carol says, continuing but Doug cut her off.
"When I'm here." He says. She smiles.
"But you said your going to be here for him now." She says. He smiles slightly.
"Yes. I am." He says. She smiles.
"And that's what matters. He knows who you are, and even if you weren't here for the first four months, that isn't all your fault." She says, smiling slightly. "And you have the rest of his life to make up for it." She says. He nods.
"Thank you Carol. Thank you for giving me him." He says. She smiles.
"Thank you." She says. He smiles and looks down at his son.
"Can I put him in his crib?" Doug asks. She smiles.
"Sure." She says. He smiles and stands up carefully, hoping not to wake the baby.
"Is his crib still in your room?" Doug asks as Carol stands. She nods.
"Yeah....It's just so much easier then climbing the steps at 3 in the morning." She says. He chuckles. They walk back to Carol's room. Doug looks around but tries not to look too much, he doesn't want Carol to think he is invading her privacy. According to what he sees, the room looks the same as before. They put the baby down to sleep and Doug stays a little while, lingering over the crib as Carol makes them coffee in the kitchen. A few minutes later Doug walks out.
"Here ya go." Carol says, handing him a mug. He takes it and takes a sip. She leans against the counter.
"This is good. Thanks." He says. She smiles.
"You're welcome." She says. He chuckles.
"Was it tough not being able to have coffee when you were pregnant?" Doug asks. She smiles, remembering.
"Yes. But..I have a confession." She says. He smiles curiously.
"What?" He asks.
"I cheated. Once. I was at work and dead on my feet. I was in my eighth month and I saw just a teeny little bit left in the bottom of the pot. So I drank it. As soon as I did, I regretted it and felt so guilty and I worried about the baby." She says. He chuckles.
"I don't think it would hurt too much in the eighth month." He says.
"Yeah but you should have seen me. All night I lay awake talking to the baby and apologizing." Carol says. He smiles at her, feeling a huge urge to kiss her.
"Well...he turned out perfectly, didn't he?" He asks. She smiles.
"Thank God." She says. He smiles again, looking into her eyes. She looks back for just a few seconds and then looks down at her coffee as she finishes the last bit. "All done." She says. He smiles.
"Me too." He says, handing her his mug. She turns to the sink and rinses them out. She dries off her hands and sighs.
"Doug..." She says, turning around and looking at him.
"Hmm?" He asks, looking at her.
"I...I need to know...how you feel about...me..about us." She says, motioning her hands between the two of them. He smiles.
"I know that I am still very much in love with you." Doug says. She smiles shyly.
"What do you want with us?" She asks.
"I want us..you, Andrew, and I to be a family together." Doug says, seriously. She smiles.
"I want that too. But..Doug..I still am upset with everything. Everything is so unsettled. We need to talk..when we have more time. Get things straightened out. I'm still mad at you for leaving but..I want us to try to work it out." She says. He smiles, walking over to her. He takes her shoulders into his hands.
"I think that is the best thing I have heard all day." He says. She smiles. "I'll wait forever for you Carol Hathaway." He says. He kisses her forehead. "It's getting late. What time do you have to work tomorrow?" He asks.
"Seven." She says. He smiles.
"I'll be here by 6:30 then. Is that okay?" He asks. She smiles.
"That's fine." She says.
"Did you want me to stay here with him or what? I was hoping to take him to go see my mother." Doug says. She smiles.
"I think that should be okay." She says. He smiles.
"I promise to take good care of him, Carol." He says. She smiles.
"I know you will. Your mother will want to see him." She says. He chuckles.
"I cannot wait to see her face. What time do you get off?" He asks.
"5." She replies.
"Well...how about..when you get home, I have supper all ready for you here." He says. She smiles.
"You would do that?" She asks. He chuckles.
"Of course. And then...maybe..sometime soon we can go out..on a real date..just the two of us and talk. We can take things nice and slow." He says. She smiles.
"I'd like that." She says.
"Good. Great. I better get going. I'll see you early in the morning." He says. He kisses her forehead gently and walks to the living room. She follows him as he puts his coat on.
"I'll see you, Doug." She says. He smiles.
"Tomorrow." He says, opening the door and walking out. He smiles at her before shutting the door. She smiles happily, going into her bedroom.
---------o---------
Doug is in Carol's kitchen, fixing dinner for Carol and himself. He is holding Andrew in his arms, who is fussing and whimpering.
"Hey Andy, it's okay. Mommy's going to be home soon and then you can eat. I promise." Doug says. Just as Doug says this, he hears the door of the house open. He smiles. "And here she is now." He says. "Hey Carol." Doug calls out. She smiles at the sound of his voice.
"You in the kitchen?" She asks.
"Yeah." He calls back. She takes off her shoes and coat and walks into the kitchen. As soon as Andrew sees her he starts to wiggle around, looking at her and smiling. Doug chuckles. "This little boy here is hungry!" Doug says, handing him to Carol. She smiles and kisses the baby's cheek.
"Hey there Andy." She says. Doug smiles as she sits down in a chair. She moves her shirt around a little, letting her son attach himself to her breast. Doug stands by, watching with a smile on his face. "Yeah, my little boy's hungry, isn't he?" Carol asks, smiling at the baby. "Did you have a good time today..huh?" She asks, smiling at her son, she rubs his cheek lightly with her finger. She looks up at Doug.
"So how was your day?" She asks. He smiles.
"It was great. I did everything you told me to do and had no problems. My mom loved him." Doug says, smiling. She smiles back.
"That's good." She says. He nods.
"Yeah. She said that I had to bring you and Andrew over, sometime soon, so she could meet you and see him again." Doug says. She smiles.
"That'd be nice." Carol says. He nods and she looks back down at Andrew.
"You know..you moms have it made." Doug says. Carol looks up at him, puzzled.
"What are you talking about?" She asks.
"Well..first..you get to be pregnant. Then you get to give birth. And then you get to feed them like that." Doug says.
"Yeah, well it's not always a picnic." She says. He chuckles.
"I know that..it's just..you'll always have a special bond with him that I will never be able to have, just because of all of that." Doug says. Carol smiles reassuringly.
"Doug..you don't have anything to worry about. He's your little boy and no one can take that away from you. You and him already have a special bond. He knows who you are and it will always be that way." She says. He smiles.
"You're right." He says. She smiles.
"So..what's for dinner?" She asks, pulling Andrew away from her chest.
"Well..I made lasagna and.."
"lasagna?" She asks. He chuckles.
"Yeah."
"You know how to cook lasagna?" She asks.
"Well...McDonald's gets old real quick and I had to fend for myself. So I found some pretty decent recipes on the internet." He says.
"The internet?" She asks.
"Yeah, in my office." He says. She nods.
"So..what else did you fix?" She asks.
"Breadsticks." He answers. She nods.
"Sounds delicious." She says.
"It is." He says. She smiles happily at him.
---------o---------
"So, do you have to work tomorrow?" Doug asks, taking a bite of his breadstick.
"Sunday..hm..nope. Why?" She asks.
"Well..I was wondering...if you would like to go out with me. So we could talk." Doug says. Carol smiles.
"That would be fine." She says. He smiles.
"Can your mom watch him?" He asks.
"I'll ask her." Carol replies. He nods.
"Okay. Good." He says, smiling at her.
---------o---------
Doug walked up the porch of Carol's house, knocking lightly. He waited a few seconds before she opened the door.
"Hey Doug." She says. He smiles.
"Hey Carol. You look great." He says. She has on a calf length black skirt and a gray turtleneck sweater, with her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She smiles at him.
"You don't look too bad yourself." She says, looking at him in his khakis and navy blue sweater. He smiles.
"Ready?" He asks. She nods.
"Yep. Let's go." She says as they walk to his jeep.
---------o---------
Carol and Doug are sitting in Olive Garden. They already ordered their food and are sipping on some soft drinks.
"So.." Carol murmurs softly. Doug smiles.
"I'm sorry, Carol." He says softly. She looks up quickly.
"For what?" She asks.
"For everything. I've hurt you so much in the past 10 years and I know that anything I say...or do..can never erase all that pain." Doug says quietly.
"Doug..I've long forgiven you for things you did a long time ago. If I hadn't, Andrew would not be in our lives now." She says.
"But you haven't forgiven me for the things I've done more recently. In the past 14 months or so." He says, smiling sadly. She thinks over her thoughts before replying.
"No...but...I'm trying." She says. He smiles.
"I know that. Carol...but you hurt me too. You didn't tell me about you being pregnant until like a month after you found out. You wouldn't let me come back to see you. You wouldn't come with me, even though I asked you numerous times." Doug says.
"Doug, I was too hurt to let you come back and I wasn't about to just pick up my life and come with you. That's the exact reason I didn't go with you in the first place." She says. He sighs shortly.
"I know..I know how much I hurt you, but I was hurt too." Doug says. She sighs softly.
"I know." She murmurs.
"We'll never get anywhere like this." He says. She looks at him quickly.
"What?" She asks.
"Carol..I want you. I want Andrew. I want us to be a family together and if we keep talking like this, we'll just go around and around in circles and get no where." He says. She looks down at the table, not sure what to say. "It's okay. We'll work something out." Doug says. She nods slowly and looks up at him. He smiles reassuringly.
---------o---------
Doug is driving his jeep and he looks over at Carol.
"Would you mind if I drove down to the lake? I need to tell you some things." Doug says. She nods.
"Okay." She agrees. He drives to the lake, pulling up in a parking spot over-looking it. She turns in her seat, giving him her attention. He smiles.
"Carol..I..I forgive you. I know that I made all this very hard for you and that if I just hadn't given Joi the code, everything might be alright. So..I know that it's all my fault and I forgive you for not coming with me...or letting me come back because none of that would have happened if it wasn't for me." Doug says. She smiles.
"Thank you. I needed to hear that." She says. He nods.
"I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, promise me, you won't say you forgive me, unless you really mean it. I don't want you to lie about that." He says. She nods slowly.
"I promise." She says.
"Good." He says, looking down. "There's something I want you to know." Doug says. She watches him as he lifts his head, to meet her eyes with his own.
"Hmm?" She murmurs.
"When I was gone...the whole time...I was...I never dated anyone else...I wasn't with anyone else...I've been completely faithful to you, the whole time....ever since that night four years ago on your porch." She smiles weakly as her eyes fill with tears.
"I..I was so scared..that you had been. I didn't want to think about it. Every night I tried to push those images away..." Carol says, letting her tears fall. He smiles at her and reaches over, touching her face, wiping her tears.
"You shouldn't have been scared." Doug says. She sighs loudly.
"I wasn't with anyone else either.." She says. He smiles wider.
"Good. I'm glad." He says. She smiles.
"Oh, Doug." She says. He pulls her into his arms as she cries softly.
"Shhh..Carol, it's okay. Why are you crying?" He asks. She looks up at him, wiping her eyes.
"I don't know. I'm just..." She struggled with her words, not really knowing why she was crying. He laughs and she smiles, soon joining him in his laughter.
"Come on..let's go get Andrew and then I can take you home." He says. She nods and smiles and he turns the car on. She moves back into her regular position but reaches across the seat and holds his hand in hers. He smiles at her and she smiles back as they drive to Helen's to pick up Andrew.
Doug walks out of Carol's room, after putting Andrew to sleep, with Carol shortly behind him. She turns to him.
"What time do you get off tomorrow?" She asks.
"Six." He replies.
"I get off at five. How about I fix us dinner and you come over and you can tell me about your first day." She suggests, hoping he will want to come over. He smiles warmly.
"Okay. I'll be here around 6:30." He says. She nods.
"Great." She says. He kisses her forehead gently.
"I better get going." He says. She nods.
"Okay." She says quietly. He walks to the door, putting his coat on as she walks to the door with him.
"Good bye Carol." Doug says. She smiles.
"Bye Doug." She says as he walks out of the house, closing the door behind him. She sighs. It is hard for her to be so close to him without holding him in her arms and covering him with kisses.
---------o---------
At 6:31, Doug walks up the porch to Carol's house. He knocks on the door, waiting for her to let him in. She opens the door shortly, greeting him with a quick kiss on the cheek and handing him the baby, before she heads quickly back to the kitchen. He chuckles and takes Andrew into his arms, kissing the baby's neck. Andrew giggles and Doug chuckles, propping Andy against his shoulder. Carol takes some baked potatoes and chicken out of the oven.
"That looks great." Doug says, sitting down on a chair with Andrew in his lap. Carol smiles quickly at him as she continues working.
"Thanks Doug." She says. He watches her scurry around, his eyes never leaving her. Andy lets out a squeal, startling Doug. Carol immediately looks over to make sure her son is okay. Doug looks down to see the baby staring up at him and grinning. Doug chuckles.
"What was that for little man?" He asks, raising the baby over his head and swinging him around playfully.
"Careful Doug." Carol warns.
"I won't drop him Carol." Doug says, but brings the baby back down onto his lap to reassure her. He watches the back of her as she nods silently and turns around, the plates in hand. She sets them on the table and he stands up, putting Andrew in his seat as Carol gets their drinks.
"What do you want to drink?" She asks.
"Iced tea." Doug replies. She nods, pouring them each a glass of iced tea, then setting them onto the table. She picks up Andy's pacifier that is laying on the table and pops it into his mouth. He sucks on it, content for now. Finally she sits down. Doug looks at her and chuckles. She looks up at him.
"What?" She asks.
"Nothing..you just...took the food right out of oven, put them on the plates quickly, got our drinks, and popped the pacifier into his mouth all in one smooth motion." He says, smiling, his eyes warm.
"Practice. You gotta be quick...so you can answer the phone..or the door....or catch him before he sticks something in his mouth." Carol says, taking a bite of her food. He chuckles, looking back at Andrew who is sucking furiously on the pacifier and staring at his mother intently.
"Strange child." Doug says, motioning towards Andrew. Carol laughs.
"Maybe he's hoping for some milk." She says. Doug laughs too. Doug leans over, touching the baby's foot.
"Bud, there's none in there." He advises him. The baby turns his attention to Doug but continues sucking. "Or...maybe there is!" Doug says, still laughing. Carol giggles.
"So how was work?" She asks after a few minutes. He turns back to her, still smiling.
"Ah, it was work. Nothing new." He says, taking a bite of his baked potato. She raises her eyebrows, as she chews.
"What does that mean?" She asks. He sighs.
"Well...nothing is the same as County. In Seattle I worked as an HMO and it was nothing like working in the ER. Then I go back to the ER, only at Mercy and it's just not the same. I don't know anybody or where anything is or how anything is run. I know I'll get used to it, but it'll never be the same as County." Doug says. Carol smiles a little as he looks down at his plate, not eating. "Now I know why you didn't want to leave County." Doug says, looking up quickly into her eyes, then looking back down at his plate.
"It's like my home." Carol says. He nods, still not looking at her. She reaches across the table, squeezing his hand gently. Doug looks up at her. "It's like...everything happened here..in Chicago..at County General. I met you at the hospital..everything with Tag and Shep happened there." A look passes over his face as he looks down. She caught the look and squeezes his hand. "Even if I am not with them..and don't have romantic feelings for them...or if I rarely think about them at all anymore...they still held big places in my life. Andrew was born there...Everything with you happened there. You were my lover, then my friend, then my best friend, then my lover and best friend at the same time. My friends are all there. A job I love is there. I love you Doug..but when you asked me to come with you..when you assumed I would come with you, I was just so upset that I couldn't choose you over all those things. Maybe if the circumstances had been different, I would have went with you...but I was so angry and upset that I wouldn't go. Chicago has been my home my whole life and I didn't...and don't want to just move clear across the country and loose all that. You lost all that....I didn't want to." Carol says. He sighs and looks up at her, his face filled with guilt.
"I'm sorry Carol. I'm sorry I asked you to leave. I'm sorry I left the way I did. I'm sorry I didn't come back even though you asked me not to. I'm sorry for a lot of things in my life...and I can never go back and change those things." He says, looking back down and pulling his hand out of hers. She reaches across the table and takes his face into her hands.
"Doug..I forgive you." She says quietly. He stares hard into her eyes, wanting to make sure she wasn't lying. She smiles softly and soon, his face lights up in a small grin.
"Thank you Carol." He says. She smiles, letting go of him.
"No problem. Now eat before your food gets cold." She says. He chuckles.
"Yes Mom." He says.
---------o---------
Doug comes out of Carol's room, after putting Andy to bed. She is standing at the sink, placing their plates into it, to wash them.
"Let me help." He says.
"No, Doug..go ahead and sit down. I've got it." She says. He shakes his head, putting his hand on her waist trying to pull her aside, so he can help.
"I'll help." He says, as she turns to him. Her body is a mere inch away from his and he looks into her eyes and she stares straight back into his. She can feel his warm breath against her face and she gives into her heart. She leans into him and he brings his hands up to her face as their lips touch in a warm, passionate kiss. She sighs into his mouth, sinking into him. Grasping his body for support. This is what she has been wanting and waiting for, for over a year. As the kiss deepens she tries to pull him into the living room, to the couch. He pulls away from her, stopping her.
"Doug?" She asks. He shakes his head briefly.
"No Carol. We can't..." Doug says, his voice trailing off.
"Why?" Carol asks, slightly hurt, still holding tightly onto him. He sees the hurt in her eyes.
"We're not ready for this, not emotionally or mentally." Doug says softly, caressing her cheek.
"I want to." She argues slightly, pressing her lips against his again. He smiles but pulls away from her again.
"Carol..." He says softly. She sighs, knowing he is right and lets her forehead drop to his shoulder. He wraps his arms around her waist, tightly, holding onto her. She leans into him, letting him hold her and support her.
"Why does this have to be so hard?" Carol mumbles into his shoulder. He lays his head against hers, breathing in the scent of her shampoo.
"Because nothing between us is ever easy." He says with a slight chuckle. She sighs and looks up at him with a smile.
"You know what..I think you're right." Carol says. He smiles.
"Yeah...our first relationship was hard....you tolerating me, barely talking to me was hard...being apart from you was killing me....getting myself to kiss you that night was hard....trying to have a normal relationship was hard....trying to have a baby with you was hard.....trying not to come back when you told me about the baby was hard...." He says, leaning his forehead against hers. She closes her eyes briefly.
"Maybe things will get easier." She says quietly. He chuckles.
"Probably not." He says. She smiles weakly.
"But we'll make it, right?" She asks, opening her eyes tentatively.
"Yeah." Doug says, smiling reassuringly. "I'm not leaving ever again, Carol. I promise you that. I've already screwed up with you way too many times. Now I have to think about Andy too." Doug says. She smiles sadly.
"Yeah." She whispers.
"And you know what?" He asks.
"What?" She asks.
"Seeing you with Andy...as a mother...made me fall in love with you even more." He says. She smiles brightly.
"Really?" She asks. He nods.
"You know...I have so much respect for you." Doug says.
"You do?" She asks, slightly surprised.
"Yeah....you just...kept going even though I left you alone and pregnant. I know you had to have been scared out of your mind. Even if you only had him for four months, you did such a wonderful job with him." Doug says. She smiles as tears come to her eyes.
"Thank you Doug." She murmurs. He smiles.
"I love you Carol. You know that, right?" He asks. She nods.
"I love you too, Doug." She says. He kisses her gently.
---------o---------
It's about a week later...Doug is walking up to Carol's porch, holding her hand as she smiles at him. They just went on a date because Sarah had wanted to have Andrew spend the night at her house. After a little persuasion, Carol had decided to let him spend the night.
"Will you come in for coffee?" She asks. He smiles at her.
"Okay." He says. She smiles.
"Good..or else I would have driven myself crazy thinking about Andy." She says, opening the door. He chuckles.
"So I'm just a distraction?" He asks.
"Basically." She teases sweetly. He smiles.
"I'll remember that." He says back to her as they walk into the house. Carol smiles, going into the kitchen and turning on the coffee machine. Doug sits down on the couch, waiting for her to come back out. A few seconds later she comes out, slipping her shoes off and sitting next to him.
"Ahhh..." She murmurs, leaning her body into his. He smiles.
"What was that for?" He asks.
"You're comfortable." She answers. He chuckles.
"I'm just being used and abused tonight huh? First I'm just a distraction, then I'm a pillow." He says. She smiles, snuggling closer to him.
"You're good at both things." She teases. He chuckles, kissing the top of her head as he wraps one arm around her.
---------o---------
Carol and Doug finish their coffee as they sit on the couch, lost in thought. Carol puts her mug down on the coffee table, then doing the same with Doug's. She turns to him, moving to sit on his lap. She kisses him gently and looks him in the eye.
"Doug..I want you." She whispers.
"Carol..I don't know.." Doug says.
"Please Doug. I'm ready..I need you." She says. He smiles softly.
"You've waited long enough, have ya?" He asks. She nods her head.
"It's agonizing!" She moans, grinning at him. He wraps his arms around her waist.
"Do you have anything?" He asks.
"Like what?" She asks.
"Protection..because I didn't bring anything." Doug says. She smiles wickedly.
"Oh, I'm prepared." She says. He chuckles, kissing her warmly.
"You are?" He asks. She nods.
"Last Tuesday..I went and got some more diaphragms because I knew this would be coming soon." She says. He chuckles.
"You're like a little girl scout." He says. She laughs.
"Do you kiss girl scouts?" She asks. He grins, his lips just millimeters from hers.
"We'll have to see, won't we?" He asks, kissing her gently.
"I guess that's a yes?" She asks. He smiles.
"Only this girl scout." He says, pressing his lips against her harder.
"Doug..let's go to the bedroom." She manages to get out. He nods, picking her up. "Doug!" She squeals as he carries her to the room as she giggles happily. He smiles and kisses her once again.
---------o---------